What's this site all about then?

A real extreme sport

While I will gladly go canoeing or swimming in the ocean the one water sport you won't catch me participating in is jet skiing. The jet skiers I've met have been so careless when on the water to the point that people have started shouting abuse at them and threatening violence.

It's also the one water sport where the least of your worries is drowning because you're far more likely to bite the bullet from a high speed accident than a lung full of sea water.

There's also the expense. If I had the kind of money most of these people have I wouldn't be spending it on the water version of a quad bike, I'd be taking my friends on holiday or improving my house. Basically I'd prefer to spend it on anything that doesn't have a double digit percentage chance of killing me.

That being said, when people do use them in a funny way I'm all for that. Especially if they're using their ski to flip mother nature the bird. Just like this guy in New Jersey did...it almost makes me want to buy one now. Hurricane skiing rules!

 

Maybe they got it from eating a dog?

Since 9/11 there has been a noticeable rise in post apocalyptic cultural references. Loads of films have been made, many books have been written, and some of the most successful video games of the last 15 years have revolved around the theme of everything going a bit balls up.

Usually culture only goes for the end of days jugular because it is perceived as being a distinct possibility due to a series of catastrophic events.

This current obsession with all things morbid isn't any different from other percieved shitty times in history; Beowulf was written during one of the darkest periods ever and The Lord of The Rings was written by someone who had survived the most violent (and pointless) conflict ever witnessed at that point.

While it's slightly depressing that this period of human history will be associated with end of the world themes in popular culture there are some people who make it fun again.

Over 100 people have dressed up in their best zombie costumes for Singapore's first ever zombie walk ahead of Halloween.

Residents started putting on elaborate make-up eight and a half hours before the event, each session lasting for about 30 minutes per participant.

Gillian Ang, 27, an analyst, had the idea of organising the singaporezombie.com zombie walk, where people imitate the undead, after seeing a similar event in America.

"Well to be honest, it's more for fun. I saw it in San Diego Comic Con, they had a zombie walk there, and I thought it would be fun to do it in Singapore," she said.

"It's a lot of fun to play the end of the world," said Rebecca, an Australian who lives in Singapore.

The would-be zombies walked around a popular Singapore nightspot and had some fun by scaring visitors.

"It was tiring, but amazing to be able to scare strangers," said one called Kieren.

This has been going on for a while in the States but for it to make the transition to South East Asia is pretty amazing. I'm glad to hear that people got into spirit of things by eating passers-by, cornering survivors in shopping malls and drinking brains beer all night. Fortunately authorities didn't react the way they sometimes do in these situations by sending in tanks and troops. That's progress right there people.

Source: Yahoo

 

Travels Without Charley

Seeing as how the weather has turned and the temperature is plummeting quicker than Justin Bieber's career I've decided to take another short break! The usual rules apply, I won't be updating on Monday (29th October) or Thursday (1st November) as I'm unwilling to spend £4 for an hour's worth of broadband access on a packed train.

Of course this means there is a very good chance I will have more material for Inconsiderate Travellers when I get back, that's if the journey isn't so unbearable I drown it out with some good old fashioned podcasts or OSW Review episodes.

To be quite honest, as long as the rear section of the train doesn't get demolished like the one at the start of the new Bond film Skyfall (which is brilliant by the way) does I'll be happy.

Have a lovely weekend folks.

 

Happy 할로윈!

Hey everyone, Happy Halloween! I know it's very early but I'll be away during the Halloween chaos and there's a very good chance I'll forget my laptop so I'm just covering all my bases.

Not that I'm too fussed, Halloween really isn't as big of a deal in the UK as it is over in the states. In America it's basically a holiday that has been co-opted by big business; Halloween parties, seasonal sweets and a mind boggling array of costumes are all just par for the course on All Hallows Eve over the pond.

In the UK it's generally just a few kids wearing masks walking through the usual dimly lit streets accompanied by the sound of random fireworks going off a good week before Bonfire night.

Aside from the usual stuff you see in films like Halloween and...erm...Halloween 2, people sometimes push the boat out a little with cool things like massive window displays, decorations and, every now and then, incredibly elaborate lighting setups.

The first house on the right (hehe) has an even more amazing feature in that it has been timed to sync up perfectly with the most infectious song of the year. Nothing says Halloween like some good old fashioned anti K-Pop rap.

 

 

Screw you guys, I'm going home

Everyone thinks they're a writer these days. Seriously, anyone can sign up for a wordpress or blogger account, be spoon-fed a layout and start spewing forth their musings as if it were a health requirement.

You don't even need to know anything about editorial design or coding anymore, that's done for you by a point and click 'Content Management System'.

All of this is bad news for software manufacturers such as Adobe who make Dreamweaver (which I use because it's amazing and limitless), Newspapers (who are losing their readerships to bloggers that can capture entire sub-groups of people by pandering to their very particular tastes) and journalists who are having their livelihoods undermined by New Media 'writers' wiling to work for sweatshop-esque rags like The Huff Post free of charge.

In some ways it's a good thing because it means that the world of print media is no longer a closed shop/old boys club full of antiquated cliques and bullshit traditions.

On the other hand though it's fucked everything up because there are far fewer paying jobs than before and the standard of some of the pieces being put on these blogs is piss poor.

The work looks like the real thing alright, it conforms to certain rules but, ultimately, it says nothing. The words are empty like so many Afghani travel agencies.

I know I'm hardly one to talk, I'm part of the new shiny, self destroying machine as well. But you know who isn't? Clark Kent, and boy is he pissed off,

Not a bird, not a plane, and no longer a reporter - comic book hero Superman has quit his day job.

The fictional superhero's alter ego Clark Kent, who has been working as a reporter on The Daily Planet since the 1940’s, leaves the newspaper business after becoming discontent with the state of 21st century journalism.

Instead Clark Kent is expected to start the next big online blog as a roving citizen journalist, according to writer Scott Lobdell.

In leaked pages from the forthcoming Superman issue, Clark Kent is getting an earful from Daily Planet editor-in-chief Perry White about not filing enough Superman stories.

This in combination with pressures from the multimedia corporation Galaxy Broadcasting, which now owns The Daily Planet, leads to Clark Kent walking out on his job.

Yeah nice one Kal El, real fucking original. You know what wandering around aimlessly, observing injustices and bitching about it online makes you? A homeless guy with a laptop. He's basically regressed to pre Industrial Revolution times when it was perfectly normal for people to turn around and say "ah bollocks to this" when life got too tough and go and live in the woods.

This story really isn't that newsworthy, but you try and find an outlet that hasn't covered it in a sort of "oh look even Superman's throwing in the towel, Snarf! Snarf!" ironic way. If it weren't Superman doing this they wouldn't give a shit. If Cyborg were to quit the new version of The Justice League or if Kitty Pryde got back together with Colossus again they wouldn't bat an eyelid. They only care because it's Superman, and he's a big name. In their minds he's more newsworthy than other characters, even though sales of Superman comics have been in the toilet for years.

You see, it's stuff like this that is putting the print media out of business! Wait...did I just contradict myself? Oh who cares.

Source: The Daily Mail

 

Tony Stark's having a bad day

$750 million profit, 3 Oscar's and 2 good(ish) films later Iron Man has a 3rd installment all but ready to go. The build up has been quite subtle when you consider it's only been 6 months since the release of The Avengers or Avengers Assemble or whatever asinine name they gave it over here.

Things have changed somewhat this time round though; out are decent director Jon Favreau and terrible writer/Jennifer Aniston's boyfriend Justin Theroux and in comes legendary Hollywood action writer Shane Black.

Black seems to have hit the ground running with the storyline aspect of the film. Gone is the comfort zone Tony Stark has been inhabiting for the last two films, that level of coolness always made you suspect he'd be ok, this time around though he might actually lose/die.

Not only is he suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome due to the events of the Avengers film but it also appears Ben Kingsley's 'Mandarin' is hell bent on ruining his life and blowing up his kick ass Malibu mansion.

While all that sounds pretty miserable the good news is that the trailer looks absolutely fucking awesome. If it had featured loads of AC/DC, Black Sabbath and pithy one-liners like the previous 2 there's a good chance a section of the potential audience might have rolled their eyes, forever promising to avoid it at all costs.

This version of Iron Man seems more serious, dark and amazingly for a "genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist", relatable.

That's a good sign as the future of the Iron Man franchise (and there will be more films) sort of hinges on how this film performs in comparison to it's predecessors.

It also depends on how many more of these Robert Downey Jr wants to do. At 47 he can only really continue doing films like this for another 10 years or so.

For now let's all just sit back and enjoy the new trailer for Iron Man 3 which looks like it might be the best one in the series so far and maybe even as good as The Avengers...possibly. Fingers crossed.

 

Are you sure you aren't hearing things mate?

Scientists are renowned the world over for being two things: very, very smart and more than a little bit odd.

For example Nikola Tesla was one of the greatest scientists of all time but, largely due to his OCD, lifetime of celibacy and "I've created and tested a death ray" shenanigans (not to mention being undermined/insulted at every turn by Thomas Edison and Marconi) he's been largely forgotten.

It's not just Eastern European geniuses that are prone to losing it because of their intelligence though. Normal, everyday astronauts can go batshit crazy to.

In 2007 astronaut Lisa Nowak lost her mind when she found out her ex boyfriend (William Oefelein) was seeing a new woman.

Upon hearing the news she immediately got into her car and drove solidly for 900 miles from Houston to Orlando to confront the poor girl.

When the police arrested Nowak for attempted kidnapping they were shocked by the extent of her dedication to the crime. In her car police found: latex gloves, a black wig, a BB Pistol and ammunition, pepper spray, a hooded tan trench coat, a 2-pound drilling hammer, black gloves, rubber tubing, plastic bin bags, approximately $585 in cash, her computer and an 8-inch (20 cm) Gerber folding knife. The most disturbing part of all this? On the drive over Nowak had been wearing adult nappies the whole time so that she could travel without needing to stop for toilet breaks.

So smart people can go nuts, the potential is always there. Bear that in mind when you read this next story,

Scientists in the US are convinced that a whale was trying to talk when it produced buzzy speech-like noises which sounded like someone playing a kazoo - badly - or perhaps Mr Punch breaking into song.

The recordings are unintelligible but the young white whale's ability first emerged when a startled diver working in its pen heard the word "out" repeated several times. Surfacing, the diver asked: "Who told me to get out?" An investigation identified the whale, called NOC, as the source of the sounds.

Previously, staff at the National Marine Mammal Foundation in California had reported hearing strange noises reminiscent of a distant conversation between two people.

See what I mean? CRAZY! Oh you've been hearing conversations at night in an aquarium aye? Climbed out of a tank because the whale "told you to" did you? Well...looks like you've been hitting the books a little too hard there buddy. Maybe it's time to stop working with animals and get back to using white boards and coming up with theories before you start seeing whales as your new masters. Or just build a death ray, I hear that's a great way to gain credibility.

Source: The Belfast Telegraph

 

Information Superhighway Robbery

Wi-fi networks are brilliant things if you know what you're doing. I just wander around all day hacking into people's networks, stealing their secret chocolate brownie recipes and generally getting free internet.

Of course I'm joking about that (I only steal their cookie recipes) but there are an awful lot of people who steal broadband and don't really see it as theft.

Theft is something criminals do, not everyday people like them, they're just, sort of borrowing it. After all it's not like it's a tangible thing like money or air or a snuffleupagus, it's just the internet.

Because of that attitude home owners have started getting a bit arsey with their network names as a kind of fuck you to the thieves. Because harsh words always stop people from taking things for free, words work...oh no wait, that's bullets,

A recent feature on the rise of passive-aggressive wi-fi names prompted a huge response from readers.

This week, the Magazine asked why some wireless internet users have been setting their network names to send snide messages to their neighbours. Examples sent by readers indicate just how imaginative some people can be, and just how similar sentiments can be re-used in different ways.

Here are a few of them.

My friend Lola from Waddinxveen in The Netherlands is an ex US marine and finds it funny to scare her friends down her street with Surveillance Van #2. She says there is a lot of curtain twitching since she renamed her wi-fi - understandably. Nicholas Webster, Dorchester

I've seen this network name at two different apartments I've lived at, definitely my personal favourite: F.B.I. Surveillance Van.Jacob Bernal

I got fed up with seeing my neighbour's religious network name, so I went to the dark side with mine.... (but Satan rules the Earth - above.)Julian Charles Roberts

I think the best passive aggressive network name in our area of rural East Yorkshire is GerOffMyLAN! Tom Taylor, East Yorkshire

This is actually pretty amazing, the fact that people are seeing the humorous side of petty larceny is quite uplifting. It's inspired me to change the name of my network to the totally appropriate and not at all disturbing "ICanSeeYouSittingOnMyFenceStealingMyBroadbandYouPieceOfShit". That certainly stopped the guy who was posing as a postman from stealing my broadband, I hardly ever see him now. Shame my broadband's being cut off for not paying my bill though, can't understand how that happened.

Source: BBC

 

Dolphins are insomniacs

"You wake up at Seatac, SFO, LAX. You wake up at O'Hare, Dallas-Fort Worth, BWI. Pacific, mountain, central. Lose an hour, gain an hour."

"This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time. You wake up at Air Harbor International. If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?"

Yes, or possibly even a dolphin...now shut up and feed me some tuna.

Dolphins can stay alert and active for 15 days or more by sleeping with one half of their brain at a time, scientists in the United States have learned.

The trick of keeping half the brain continuously awake is vital to the sea mammals' survival, experts believe.

It allows them to come to the surface every so often to breath, and remain constantly vigilant for sharks.

Scientists in California tested the ability of two bottlenose dolphins to echolocate accurately over periods of time which would have left other animals sleep-deprived and exhausted. The dolphins, a male called Nay and female called Say, had to swim around a pen looking for phantom sonar targets.

Over three sessions of five continuous days both dolphins did well, with success rates of up to 99%, but Say outperformed her male partner. The scientists then went on to test Say further by repeating the same experiment over a period of 30 days.

In the event, a storm cut the trial short after 15 days had elapsed. However, during this time Say's performance hardly deteriorated at all. The findings were published in the online journal Public Library of Science ONE.

If it were April the first I'd say that the names of the dolphins is a strong indicator that this is a hoax. I mean who names the subjects of an experiment which is likely to be queried endlessly Nay and Say? I call bullshit on that.

I know people say dolphins are super intelligent and all that, but if these things are so smart and can stay awake for 15 days at a time why aren't they living in vast underwater kingdoms? Or walking upright and challenging the human dominance of planet earth? Wait, maybe they are...maybe they're just biding their time and planning their next move. My god, dolphins are diabolical geniuses.

Source: pa.press.net and Fight Club

 

Skyfall's cast are not helping

Sorry about the lack of posts recently but I've had some problems with my vision that are on course to being fixed.

Thankfully the new Bond film is here to give me something to talk about. I know what you're wondering; what element of the Bond mythos or the new film could make for an interesting article?

Maybe the ridiculous female character names, or the beyond impossible gadgets or maybe the fact that Bond's liver should have pickled years ago?

Nope, none of those, I'm going to talk about Javier Bardem's character in Skyfall. The critics have said Skyfall's main villain is similar to Hannibal Lecter but Bardem himself thinks there's more to it than that, he's just not saying what,

Come on then, tell us a little bit about your character Silva. What’s his beef with Bond?

Jesus. So hard! It’s very difficult to talk about a movie that you cannot talk about, and also talk about a movie that you are doing!

Is he more of a cool, ruthless bastard or a screaming maniac?

Screaming maniac? What about a bit of everything?

Listen, many Bond villains have been beautifully made, and I’m the one to discover the fire.

Now it’s about pointing at that from different perspectives, bringing a different idea of that.

Come on Javier, you've got to give us something? So he's not a screaming maniac, what is he? You can't just leave us hanging like this, we've waited bloody ages for this film and you're just going to fob us off with the old, "you read into the character what you will" excuse. Tell us more! I know the cast have been told they can't talk about storyline or even character specifics with the press, but you can't just present us with a villainous blonde Spaniard and not expect us to ask some awkward questions.

As far as we know this guy could be a smiling, violent genius or a brute being controlled by a puppet master. Maybe that's the point of the secrecy, perhaps the producers are hoping that people will be drawn to the film because they desperately want to know more. I'm not so sure that's a wise decision, people generally like to be slowly brought into a films creation rather than being constantly kept at arms length.

Whether this will mean a slightly lower than usual gross for the film remains to be seen, for now we just have to assume that Javier Bardem is playing a cross between his character in "No Country For Old Men" and the man from Del Monte.

Source: Total Film

 

Don't trust the map

Sometimes there are stories that just seem perfect for everything I wanted to express when I created this site.

Whether it's piano players that make music exclusively for elephants, a man who has spent years building an end of the world ark that looks like absolute crap or newsreaders dogs randomly interupting live broadcasts it all makes me glad I started this site.

This is one of those stories,

Commuters on the London Underground are being cheered up by a series of spoof stickers being placed across tube carriage signs.

The guerrilla sticker craze has swept across the capital's tube network, created in the same style and font as Transport for London's more mundane messages.

One of the stickers, being snapped up for £2 each online, warns public transport users: 'Don’t acknowledge fellow passengers or sustain eye contact beyond two seconds.'

The eye contact thing is actually good advice. I remember giving up my seat to a pregnant woman on the Underground once and having to move away from her because she looked at me like I'd just kicked a puppy to death in front of her.

Apparently the British Transport Police think the grafiti is 'unwanted vandalism that causes criminal damage' which technically it is, but if you ask people if this is unwanted I'm sure there'd be a high percentage of people who would say that it either made them chuckle or brightened up their day. Surely that can't be a bad thing? The world needs more of this.

Source: metro

 

Tom Hanks likes presents

Celebrities are shallow people, shallow, shallow people. While most do support charities and are altruistic in their own way (which they are to be commended for) you won't find many that don't like having their arses kissed.

There are so many awards ceremonies during a certain period of the year it is actually referred to as a 'season'. A full season of famous people sucking up to other famous people and giving them seemingly important awards because they did their job slightly better than other famous people that year.

Tom Hanks is no different, so, instead of asking him to appear on their podcast the stalkers fanboys at Nerdist sent a typed letter to Hanks composed on a classic 1934 Smith Corona typewriter...and the typewriter itself.

As a result of their generosity/bribery Hanks has agreed to appear in a future podcast by replying with this strange attempt at humour. He even manages to squeeze in a little Hollywood by promising that he will "get his people to talk with theirs".

I'm sure the podcast will be a hard bitten interview where they press him for tough answers and don't fawn all over him like giddy school girls. If they don't the name Nerdist will never be viewed as serious ever again.

Source: UPI

 

 

Sacha Baron Cohen knows no fear

Sacha Baron Cohen's previously cult reputation for producing shocking comedy and using characters to uncover people's prejudices went global with the release and subsequent success of Borat and Bruno.

His 4th film (I count Ali G In Da House as his first film, unlike most American based websites) was a loose remake of the ground breaking Charlie Chaplin film The Great Dictator, imaginatively titled The Dictator.

I bought The Dictator on DVD last week and, having been completely stunned by the genius and the shocking nature of both Borat and Bruno, was looking forward to what I thought would be a calmer, more mainstream offering. Boy was I wrong!

The Dictator, if anything, was even more shocking and offensive than either Borat or Bruno. It was also just as good, some of the offensive humour made me laugh so hard I nearly had an asthma attack and the subtle comedy was so perfectly placed it made you wonder why no one else had thought of doing it before.

So where does Sacha Baron Cohen go from here? He's made a fortune, touched on every taboo there is and subtly attacked just about every group on the planet...maybe a biopic is the answer.

I wonder which historical luminary he'll choose? There's loads available, he might even make a serious biopic, or maybe he'll do this...

British comedy actor Sacha Baron Cohen is to develop a film inspired by a Hong Kong billionaire who offered $65m (£40m) to any man who succeeded in marrying his lesbian daughter.

The Lesbian - based on the story of Cecil Chao - is set to star Baron Cohen, who will produce the Paramount Picture film through his company Four By Two.

Baron Cohen's latest movie The Dictator made $177m (£109m) worldwide.

He is currently working on a 007 spoof. In September, shipping magnate Cecil Chao publicly promised the huge sum of money after reports emerged that his businesswoman daughter, Gigi, had married her long-term girlfriend in France.

Mr Chao rejected the rumours of a civil partnership, and told the BBC his daughter was still single and needed a "good husband".

That's about the most homophobic thing I've ever heard, "She's not gay, she just needs to sleep with a man, that'll sort her out!" This guy deserves to be parodied. Although I'm sure he won't mind all the jibes once the massive royalty cheque comes in. Maybe he'll use the money he makes from this film to encourage his daughter's wife to have a sex change operation, he sounds like the type of person that would suggest something like that.

The other part of this story that caught my eye was the 007 spoof bit. I'm surprised Baron Cohen has decided to make a Bond parody when the Johnny English and Austin Powers films are still fresh in people's memories. But, then again, this is the man who made a bar full of rednecks spontaneously sing along to a song called "Throw the Jew Down the Well" so who knows what his vision of Bond might include.

His version could feature a drunk Bond staggering around the London, hitting on random women and eventually getting hauled into custody for unleashing a stream of obscenities at police and vomiting on the pavement. Which means that Baron Cohen's Bond might end up being a hilarious version of Road Wars. That's something I'd definitely pay to see, especially in 3D!

Source: BBC

 

Take that holistic treatments!

What's that? You've got a bad back? Try sleeping on this bed of nails. You've got a sore throat? Try drinking this wheatgrass, guano and dandruff smoothie. You've got athlete's foot? Try rubbing this horse...erm...residue on your feet.

Now, what I just wrote might have been slightly unfair and ridiculous (only slightly though) but holistic medicines and treatments do sometimes blur the line between effective natural remedies and insane comedic parody.

I used to work in a shop which sold treatments like this and once told someone with a cold to eat lots of spicy food.

It might sound like shit advice coming from someone who was supposed to know about those sort of treatments (in reality I knew sod all) but it always worked for me. I was just using my own experience as a source of potential relief instead of all the bullshit people usually spin about eating nothing but raw veg.

I wonder if these scientists got their advice for this treatment from the cast of Anaconda,

Pain-relieving compounds as strong as morphine have been extracted from the venom of the black mamba, one of the world's deadliest snakes.

Injecting the chemicals, called mambalgins, into mice produced powerful pain relief without serious side effects. The protein building blocks, or peptides, act on acid-sensing ion channels (Asics) which control the passage of electricity across cell membranes.

Ion channels play a key role in the nervous system and are often targeted by the venom of poisonous snakes, spiders and fish. Mambalgins shut down Asics, which are specific to sensory neurons to block pain signals.

The scientists led by Anne Baron, from the Institute of Molecular and Cellular Pharmacology in Valbonne, France, wrote in the journal Nature: "It is essential to understand pain better to develop new analgesics."

"The black mamba peptides discovered here have the potential to address both of these aims."

Yeah thanks for that lady, but I think I'll stick to Ibuprofen for the time being. The idea of using snake venom to kill pain is a terrifying thought, I'd sooner let a blind squid with Parkinson's inject me with the flu than I would let a trained professional give me some snake juice. Give it 10 years though and I'm sure this'll be on the shelves along with all the other name brands.

It could even reach the true height of painkiller fame where it's crushed, cut into lines and snorted by low life junkies and retard clubbers who are desperate to reach a new high/escape reality/destroy their brain cells. If it can do that then it's really here to stay.

Source: MSN

 

Definitely not safe for work!

Look at all those stars! It's amazing that all of these A-listers and Richard Gere are all appearing in just one film. The film in question is Movie 43 which isn't one movie at all, it's actually 25 short comedy sketches formed into one Pythonesque comedy.

Other people in the film not shown in this picture include: Halle Berry, Chloë Grace Moretz, Stephen Merchant, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Kieran Culkin, Johnny Knoxville, Sean William Scott and Terrence Howard and they all do horrible, unspeakable things throughout the film.

The fact that Gerard Butler plays a foul mouthed psychopathic leprechaun should tell you all you need to know. Judging by the red band trailer (for mature audiences only) below this is only going to appeal to a certain type of person. To be more specific; me. They've clearly only made this film for me.

Take a look at the trailer for yourself but I warn you now, if you're easily offended or shocked do not watch it because after the first 5 seconds you'll never look at Anna Faris the same again!

 

Foodgasm!

You know for someone who doesn't drink I spend an inordinate amount of time in pubs. Is it the ambience of the quiet, older ones? Is it the social aspect? Is it the honest to goodness love for a British tradition that has conquered the world with it's charm and simplicity? No. All of those things can go fuck themselves. It's the food.

Frankly modern pubs drive me up the wall with their loudness and B.O. stench, but if they have good food it makes everything ok. Whether it's a cheap carvery, traditional pub grub or a gastropub stuff I love it all! I usually like to pig out on gammon, curry's and Sunday roasts but my all time favourite is bangers and mash!

I'd gladly eat that every night until I died of congestive heart failure at the age of 39, I've even paid £18 for a really good portion once.

I think I'd struggle to justify paying more than £18 for bangers and mash though, that would just be a needless waste of money that could potentially buy me enough food to last a month.

French restaurant L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon in London has a revamped version of bangers and mash on their menu - for an eye-watering £75.

Pop down to your local pub and a filling plate of everyone’s favourite bangers and mash might set you back a few quid. Add a pint and you might be looking at a tenner. 

But even the most enthusiastic devotee would baulk at forking out £75 for the traditional repast. However, that credit card-melting sum is what a plateful will cost you at a gourmet restaurant which has given the British pub staple a French revamp.     

L’Atelier de Joël Robuchon, in Covent Garden, is offering the dish with ‘deconstructed’ sausages made from pigs fed on acorns, herbs and mushrooms.

Fed on acorns, herbs and mushrooms? It had better be fed on diamonds, crystal meth and unicorns for that price. Just because you Frenchified something doesn't mean you can charge £75 for it, that's like saying just because Concorde was partly French the tickets should be more expensive than normal first class tickets...oh wait they were.

You know what is a French invention that's free of charge? Saying you created stuff that in reality had existed long before you laid claim to it, like the claim some French people make about their nation inventing Democracy. Hey, Pierre, have you never heard of Magna Carta or Ancient Greece? Guess not, now give me my fucking bangers and mash back!

Source: Metro

 

The holiday snaps

I know I promised this last week, but that was before I stumbled across yet another Inconsiderate Traveller. So after dispatching that and enjoying a weekend of...erm...not being lazy (you aren't falling for that are you?) I've spent a good chunk of time creating lovely thumbnails for my pictures. This way you can enjoy them selectively, without my site having to be full of the kind of massive and poorly positioned jpegs you only ever see on dodgy sites that require credit card details to enter.

The first 3 images are taken from the beautiful National Trust property Cragside which was built by batty Victorian inventor and industrialist Lord Armstrong. The property is famous(ish) for being the first hydroelectric plant/hydroelectrically powered house in the world. The next 2 pictures are from Durham featuring the 1000 year old Cathedral and the view from its roof (I had to climb 325 steps to get that picture) and the final 2 photos are from Newcastle, specifically the beautiful Central Arcade and China Town, which features the awesome Lau's Buffet King where I plowed through the all you can eat menu for just £5.50! Bargain!

Because there's more to life than hyperbole, picking sides and making a game that is so intense it actually kills off your character for good once you die. Now that's realism!
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