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Back In The Saddle Againlaptop man

It's been a while hasn't it? Were you worried about me? Did you think I'd left the country? Been captured by separatists? Found an as yet undiscovered Island and become the local tribe's King? Most of those aren't true (bow down before your new king peons) but it has been an interesting few weeks.

First of all I was presented with the option of being given a new laptop for my birthday which, after much deliberation (that nearly resulted in me convincing myself I didn't need it), I decided to accept.

Then I was presented with the further option of buying said laptop myself which was an even better turn of events given my very specific requirements and love of buying big shiny things.

While all that was exciting it did come with the annoying caveat of having to uninstall everything from my old machine and reinstalling it on the new laptop which, for a lazy person like myself, is a huge hinderance.

I had to reinstall Dreamweaver CS5, GIMP 2, Steam, Microsoft Office, Extreme Warfare 4.2 and a whole load of annoying website pictures like this one on the right featuring a suit wearing douche bag boiling his genitals with an ancient laptop.

Finally everything's in place and I can get back to writing and updating as regularly as time allows (once of twice a week) so stay tuned for more weird, hilarious and surprising stories as well as rants from me; your King...if you live on the small Pacific island of Levtopolis that is, if you don't I'm just that odd ginger guy who lives in St. Albans.


Turkish twit is thwarted by TwitterTurkey-twitter-ban-fail

Like that headline huh? Yeah! I red topped the shit out of that one! I'm amazed The Sun haven't offered me a job based on that headline alone. I'd probably take it to, if I weren't, y'know, so diametrically opposed to their beliefs, unable to hack people's phones and a Liverpool FC fan.

Anyway, the title refers to the attempted censorship of Twitter by the slightly deluded Prime Minister of Turkey. He originally said he was going to wipe the micro blogging site from the face of the earth and salt the land it once stood on (or something like that).

Unfortunately for him though his campaign seems to have been about as effective as chocolate is when used as a stab vest.

Shortly after the Twitter ban came into effect around midnight, the micro-blogging company tweeted instructions to users in Turkey on how to circumvent it using text messaging services in Turkish and English.

Turkish tweeters were quick to share other methods of tiptoeing around the ban, using "virtual private networks" (VPN) - which allow internet users to connect to the web undetected - or changing the domain name settings on computers and mobile devices to conceal their geographic whereabouts.

Some large Turkish news websites also published step-by-step instructions on how to change DNS settings.

So in 3 weeks this guy has turned off Twitter, tried to turn of Youtube, attacked a nation (Syria) going through one of the worst civil wars of the century thus far and won an "Election"? Incredible, he's a Machiavellian genius...by Machiavellian I mean Despotic and by genius I mean idiot.


Source: The Guardian


How is this helping?mars-colony-experiment

Holy crap look! Humans have colonised Mars! It's everything I could have hoped for and more, look at that luscious blue Martian skyline, those high-tech space suits, that futuristic portaloo...wait...what am I looking at?

A team of enthusiastic scientists are dressing in space suits and recreating life on Mars – but in a rocky red desert on Earth.

Researchers from the Mars Society live at a simulated Martian base, built with the help of American space agency NASA.

Every time the team of four men and two women leave the Mars Desert Research Station (MDSF) they must pass through an air lock. They survive on food rations, conduct research experiments, and shower just once every three days.

The cramped, two-storey hut is situated 40 miles from Hanksville, in Utah, with the crew sleeping in small, coffin-like beds. The surrounding area closely resembles geological and environmental conditions on Mars, in that it is hot, windy, largely red, and rocky.

Contact with the outside world is strictly limited, with a very slow internet connection restricted to allow just a few emails in and out each day.

Most communication is with "mission control", who ask the crew for reports on every aspect of their lives during their two-week shifts. That includes details on their food intake, exercise, and psychological status.

Visitors travel to the MDRS on a buggy, down an unmarked path littered with boulders, at a speed of just 5 mph. Mission commander Lara Vimercati, 27, who works as a NASA biologist, said: "We have to go through an airlock procedure and suit up before we have any contact with the outside.

"Everything we do each day must be as if we were on another planet. I'd like to be the first person to set foot on Mars but the first people up there will be engineers. You need to be able to fix things as they break. But I am a trained biologist, so maybe I'll be the first person to discover life on Mars."

How naive are these people? "Maybe I'll be the first person to discover life on Mars." You won't be. Are you even a biologist? It's a fucking rock! What are you expecting a green martian to come sauntering up to you with afternoon tea and scones? The only life you're going to discover on Mars is the miserable one you'll be sharing with the other suckers who went there all giddy and hopeful of shaping the future of mankind.

Believe me, after 3 weeks of smelling other people's farts you'll want to build a rocket to get back to Earth as quickly as possible, either that or you'll go all Michael Biehn in Abyss and start trying to off scientists one at a time. Welcome to Mars!


Source: MSN


This guy's lawyer has a fool for a clientlos pollos hermanes

The best advice any lawyer can ever give a client is as follows, "Shut up! Don't say anything to anyone until I say you can and don't do anything stupid." Pretty basic advice I know but it's the easiest way of defending anyone.

Police, prosecutors and other lawyers have such a thorough knowledge of the law (and such a sophisticated way of manipulating people) that they can take anything you say or do and use it to make you look like Jeffrey Dahmer.

When in doubt, do nothing and call your lawyer. That's the smartest thing someone faced with serious charges can do. This, however, might be the stupidest.

A man who was arrested for allegedly running a meth lab in his house aptly wore a Breaking Bad t-shirt for his mug shot, police have revealed.

Daniel Kowalski, 21, donned the ‘Los Pollos Hermanos’ top when being charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance and possession of methamphetamine manufacturing materials.

Breaking Bad is an award-winning TV show in which an unassuming science teacher decides to cook meth with an ex-pupil in order to raise money for his medical bills.

The t-shirt worn by Kowalski is emblazoned with the logo of a fast-food chain heavily featured in the hit US programme.

Officers went to Kowalski’s home at 6.45pm on Monday in the La Grange Highlands area of Illinois, after receiving information that he ‘may be trying to cook’, Cook County Sheriff’s office said.

When they entered they found glass beakers, Bunsen burners and chemicals, though the lab wasn’t active.

They also found 12 jars of psychedelic mushrooms, as well as two other men in the property who were taken into custody but later released without charge.

12 jars of psychedelic mushrooms?! Man, this guy was either a big time dealer or he was planning to alter his perception of reality forever. Someone on 12 jars of 'shrooms would be mental enough to make Gary Busey look like a solid choice for the presidency of the United States. The authorities are inviting this sort of behaviour really, when you release statements like,

Hopefully the attention on D. Kowalski's ironic outfit will shine a light on the seriousness of meth. We need to keep it out of Cook County.

You're just encouraging sardonic meth heads to come in, set up shop and flood the market with all manner of colourful crystal treats.


Source: Metro

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