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Inconsiderate Travellers #14

Wow, what a week! Lots of travelling, lots of fun, lots of laughs and many, many selfish and thoughtless travellers. This may be a new category of Inconsiderate Travellers as these two haven't strictly started their journey yet but they certainly smashed through the annoying barrier very quickly.

Although their faces are protected by The Floating Head of Henry Kissinger you can clearly make out a cigarette in the hand of the scrawny one in the green T-shirt (with matching green shoes the stylish devil), the even scrawnier miscreant over his shoulder is also smoking.

The station in question was plastered with no smoking signs but these two ignored all of them and lit up IN A SHELTER of all places. I would have gone outside but it was 26 degrees and sunny as hell which meant that, being a fair skinned ginger stud, I'd have turned my beautiful skin red within minutes so I had to put up with it.

While breaking the law, endangering people's health and stinking up my expensive clothes would normally be enough to get your picture on here, these lads were clearly shooting for the top when they pulled out their next masterpiece of thoughtlessness.

They started playing music from their phone, at full volume, with no headphones plugged in. Yep, they're those types! The kind of people that are normally derided by everyone around them for being either A. oblivious to their surroundings and the annoyance they are causing or B. so desperate for attention that they'll piss people off just to get some.

If they had been introducing each other to new songs that would have been fine, but they weren't, they were just relaxing on a lovely summer's day to that form of music renowned for it's calming properties: Dubstep.

So, for breaking the law and being the very embodiment of annoying teenagers these two idiots get a special place in history: they became so annoying that I had to hide their faces under Henry Kissinger's head just to calm myself down. Thanks Hank!

 

Eartha Kitt!

Oh me god, da David Hockney language is disappearing? What are we ter do? Maybe London Mayor Boris Johnson can step in? Oh, I forgot, 'e's a useless back and front. Let's see what Mrs. Chantie has to say,

The Cockney accent will disappear from London's streets within 30 years, according to new research.

A study by Paul Kerswill, Professor of Sociolinguistics at Lancaster University shows the Cockney accent will move further east.

In London, Cockney will be replaced by Multicultural London English - a mixture of Cockney, Bangladeshi and West Indian accents - the study shows.

"It will be gone within 30 years," says Prof Kerswill.

The study, funded by the Economic and Social Research Council, says the accent ,which has been around for more than 500 years, is being replaced in London by a new hybrid language.

The new accent, known in slang terms as Jafaican, is most famously spoken by rap star Dizzee Rascal.

"Cockney in the East End is now transforming itself into Multicultural London English, a new, melting-pot mixture of all those people living here who learnt English as a second language," Prof Kerswill says.

I highly doubt it'll be completely dead in 30 years, Lindsay Lohan will probably be dead by then but not the Cockney language. The fact is dialects rarely die out, they generally just evolve by mimicking the influences around them. If they are to be believed, some sources from ancient history suggest that Rome was founded by Trojan refugee's, which means that most Roman's would have sounded like a mix regional Italian accents and Turkish people who are more than a little afraid of giant wooden horses.

As far as the Cockney's go, as long as there is loud and brazen people living within earshot of St. Mary-le-Bow there will always be a Cockney language and way of life. If they sound a little bit more like an award winning rapper than they used to then all the better.

Source: BBC

 

Inconsiderate Travellers #12 & #13

By the end of Thursday I will have spent a grand total of 20 hours on trains in 7 days. Even George Stephenson would have considered that too much. The upshot of all this travelling is I get to listen to some great podcasts, document lots of good material for Inconsiderate Travellers and develop the kind of back problems normally associated with lumberjacks and professional wrestlers.

In the first picture (on the right) we see a normal seat on a Virgin train occupied by a couple of feral bags. I know what you're wondering; where have the owners gone? Are they in the toilet? Have they gone to buy some food? Are they searching for an elderly lady who has mysteriously vanished? No, they're sitting a couple of rows away at a table. The luggage compartment was empty so they could have put their bags there but they took a different option by blocking one of the few seats on the carriage that wasn't reserved.

The second picture (on the left) is an example of what happens when a precedent has been set. After arriving at the next station a middle aged couple sat in the seats directly behind the location of the feral bags.

Following a half hearted attempt at putting his brown leather drug dealers bag in the overhead area (which was foiled by his massive gut) the gentleman in question simply dropped it on the seat next to the one already blocked by the other bags. The seat he decided to block WAS reserved and was set to be occupied at the next station.

The third and final picture (on the right) shows what happens when you break the rules on a train managed by someone who actually does their job well.

The train manager (or conductor or whatever they're called these days) came by and saw all of this going on and glared at the parties involved in such an effective manner that all of them followed his calm instructions without any moaning whatsoever.

It was quite a sight to behold, he effectively enforced the rules of the train without causing any distress or aggravation to anyone else around him or the idiots who had instigated this spontaneous act of installation art. He might have been the most intimidating person under 6 foot tall I've ever met in my life.

 

 

Inconsiderate Travellers #10 & #11

Amazingly this is the first time I've featured Inconsiderate Travellers since March. Is it because I'm mellowing now that I'm in my early 30's? Is it because the public transportation network in the UK has improved dramatically? Or could it be that I've been so lost in excellent Podcasts like Smodcast and Hollywood Babble-on (both available on iTunes) that I just haven't noticed the chaos that has been going on around me. Yep, it's option 3.

Given that the trains are still shit in the UK it was only going to be a matter of time before I happened upon some more guests stars for my rogues gallery of thoughtless and selfish travellers (as usual with Inconsiderate Travellers the identity of everyone featured is being protected by The Floating Head of Henry Kissinger).

Exhibit A. This guy is a bit of a quandary. First of all he's a professional looking 60 year old who wears McKenzie caps. I've only ever seen high-end teenage chavs wear those so that threw me straight away.

After that I began to examine the traditional Inconsiderate Traveller move he'd used (items placed on the window seat while he sat in the aisle of a busy carriage, making it even less likely that someone would ask him to clear the seat for them, because then they'd be causing him the inconvenience of having to physically move), that also confused me because he didn't fit the usual criteria of people who try this: middle aged women with Dorothy Perkins bags.

I guess this is a sign that Inconsiderate Travellers are evolving, and that I can no longer rely on my previous experiences to guide me through the fascinating anthropological study of this group of human beings/selfish bastards.

Exhibit B. This one needs a bit more of an explanation. About an hour and a half into my 4 hour train journey from Cardiff to North Wales I passed over the border into Hereford where two skinny, blonde haired guys got on and sat a couple of seats over from me.

They must have been about 19 or 20 and were so blonde/Aryan that if it had been the early 1940's you could have been forgiven for doing a double take, because they looked like they could well have been undercover German spies.

Now, you'd think two young guys who were joining a train with only a few people on it (at this stage anyway) would be comfortable having a quiet chat with each other about whatever was on their mind.

Most people would anyway, but not these two pricks, oh no, "I went out last night...and I met this girl right?...And she was all over me and I was like "Do you fancy a go on my pork steeple?"...and she was all like "yeah baby, take me home now!"" Was the general gist of their bullshit conversation. Although to call it a conversation would be an insult to human speech as this was more of a shouting match between two idiots who had lost their hearing aids and could only lip read the words "sex", "girl" and "like".

Things got even more bizarre/annoying when they decided that their Beatboxing skills were so game changing that they needed to be shared with the world. Cue 5 minutes of terrible Beatboxing and rapping from two of the whitest guys I've ever seen. Fortunately the ordeal was short lived as Eminem and...erm...Snow, got off at the next stop, where they probably got into a rap battle with some local crips.

It's rare that I get a journey with two Inconsiderate Travellers worthy moments, but to encounter an entirely new category to add to the books well, that just about made my trip...that and seeing the sites of Cardiff...oh wait and seeing my mother.

 

Cardiff through the eyes of an idiot

I know, I know, 5 days has felt like an eternity and you just can't wait for an update from your favourite self-important writer/Chinese food addict. So, as promised, here are my holiday snaps taken at various location's around my home nation's capital.

Featured are: Cardiff Central station and it's awesome roof, a turret at Cardiff Castle (which I couldn't afford to go in to thanks to buying two new pairs of kecks), Madame Fromage which has a brilliant deli counter and a wonderful lunch menu.

From the Cardiff National Museum we have 2 paintings from Monet's Lillie's series, 1 he did of the Thames, Rodin's bronze 'The Kiss' sculpture and the last thumbnail is the desserts menu from a The Plough and Harrow pub in the tiny historic village of Monknash, check out the 3rd choice from the top called 'Lumpy Bumpy' which is some sort of Toffee Gateaux. It sounded delicious but after the world's greatest bangers and mash I was done. Finally I have met my match.

 

Yet another holiday

Sorry to do this again, but I won't be writing on here now until Friday the 22nd of June as I'm going on a family holiday to sunny Cardiff for a few days. Amazingly the place we're staying at in the city doesn't have an internet connection! Staggering isn't it! It's the 21st century Cardiff, get a bloody clue.

However, for those of you who just can't get enough of me and my Nietzsche like insight (not the 'height of philosophical enlightenment' Nietzsche, I'm more the 'going crazy and living in the woods' Nietzsche) you can still follow me on Twatter @WhyAllTheAnger as I will be tweeting the odd update from the capital city of the land of my fathers, probably about how yummy Wagamama is, how Welsh everyone sounds or how much I hate rain ruining my bootcuts. Yeah, I'm that entertaining.

After that I'll be heading down to London as per usual so there won't be an update on here on Monday the 25th or Thursday the 28th of June thanks to my genuine love of Public transportation. And by love I mean it's similar to that Cardiff girl's love of booze: she loves it at the time but really regrets it afterwards.

(P.S. for being such patient and, lets be honest, good looking people, I will share some holiday snaps with you when I do update on Friday. They won't be as cool as the ones taken on my trip to The Harry Potter Experience but they will be Cultural and Welsh and stuff.)

 

The censors are everywhere

I, like most people I know, pay my council tax so that I can admire my leisure centres (but never use them) be pleased with the quality of my local library (but rarely use it) and be thankful I have a fully functioning refuse collection system to pick up my bin (which I sometimes use as a toilet).

However, if I knew my council tax was going towards a campaign of censorship and clandestine attempts at stopping someones freedom of speech you'd have to hold me back, because I'd be in full on Mel Gibson in Braveheart mode, only without the awkward air of anti-Semitism hanging around.

A council has lifted its ban on a nine-year-old pupil from taking pictures of her school meals after a national outcry over the move.

Argyll and Bute announced that they would be withdrawing their ban on Martha Payne taking pictures for her NeverSeconds blog during an interview with the BBC.

The nine-year-old had been prevented from taking pictures, essentially stopping her from blogging after a headline in Scottish paper the Daily Record which featured a photo of Martha alongside chef Nick Nairn under the headline "Time to fire the dinner ladies..."

A statement from Argyll and Bute council said there was "no room for censorship" and so Martha would be allowed to continue taking her pictures.

However the statement from Councillor Roddy McCuish lambasted the "abusive and inaccurate" reporting of the paper saying that it "considerably inflamed the situation."

Damn those newspapers, how dare they force the council's hand by being inflammatory and abusive and inaccurate and all newspapery. If only there was a way the council could have avoided censoring a 9 year old girl's blog. I suppose they could have just released a statement attacking the 'inaccurate' reporting and turned the focus on the girl by commending her for such a well written blog (her blog really is excellent and a lot better than most people 4 times her age on blogspot) and thanked her for her unique insight.

Apparently that never entered the mind of Argyll and Bute's Media Officer (who should have seen this as a chance to get some good press) or anyone else working there who allowed this golden opportunity to turn into an absolute farce; when a 9 year old has more common sense than an entire council you know something's amiss. Maybe she could be their new Media Officer! She certainly seems to have better decision making abilities than anyone they've got working there at the moment.

Source: huffingtonpost.co.uk

 

Let the terror begin!

If there is one thing living in Wales most of my life has taught me it's that sheep are as dumb as a box of rocks. Honestly, they couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions on the heel, but that's mostly because they don't have opposable thumbs and the need for boots but you get the idea; they're pretty damn stupid.

So stupid in fact that I honestly believe that very little in the way of reasoning and thought goes on behind their blank eyes. Have you ever seen a sheep compose an aria? Write a sonnet? Or even walk up to another sheep and give it a comforting back rub? No, they don't do those things because they are beasts and beasts do not interact with each other in culturally and socially sensitive ways because they aren't humans.

while I firmly believe in animal rights and the fair and decent treatment of all of the cute (and less than cute) creatures of the world, I'm certainly not about to join the ranks of nutjob animal rights activists who believe that animals should be allowed to own houses, sign up to credit cards and prance around town like the own the place.

I think some of these people fit into that category,

Oscar-winner Danny Boyle unveiled his vision of a ‘green and pleasant land’ as an Olympic curtain-raiser – but ran straight into trouble over his use of animals. The Slumdog Millionaire director wants to transform the Olympic Stadium into a giant mock-up of the English countryside – including an imitation Glastonbury Tor and ‘moshpit’. 

But his opening ceremony will also feature more than 100 animals in the 80,000-seat arena, prompting activists to brand the £27million show ‘exploitative and potentially cruel’. 

Justin Kerswell, campaigns director of animal rights group Viva!, said: ‘This is wrong on so many levels. It smacks of the Roman gladiatorial arena – many of these animals, especially the sheep, are likely to be terrified.’

The show, named Isles Of Wonder, includes 12 horses, three cows, two goats, ten chickens, ten ducks, nine geese, 70 sheep and three sheepdogs. 

The RSPCA will provide welfare advice and its experts will be carrying out regular checks during rehearsals and the ceremony on July 27. Games organiser LOCOG said: ‘The welfare of the animals in the opening ceremony is of the utmost importance.’


Amazing. Apparently the opening ceremony will be like a Roman Gladiatorial arena. Only, you know, without all the killing. What a moronic comparison. It's like saying that Crufts is a cruel reenactment of Cujo. I can't wait to see the Glastonbury imitation and moshpit, if it's genuine there will be people rolling around covered in mud, tripping their balls off on what they think is ecstacy. That would certainly top Beijing 2008, a field full of confused sheep, furious animal rights activists and stoned douche bags crying into their piss bombs.

Source: metro.co.uk

 

Lauryn Hill might be the 2nd coming of David Koresh

For the benefit of anyone born after 1999 Lauryn Hill (seen here getting caught in a fishing net) was a big deal from 1993 when she appeared in the terrible Sister Act 2 - 1999 when The Fugees dissolved and a false rumour about her making racist remarks in an interview on MTV (started by a caller on Howard Stern's radio show) got out of hand.

After that double whammy she retreated from the limelight (which sounds yummy by the way) and only reappeared to play the occasional show, inspire a Kanye West song and have a go at Catholic Priests.

Looks like she's back in a big way now though, since she supposedly owes the IRS $900,000. Thankfully Mrs. Hill has a perfectly acceptable/sane explanation for not paying her taxes between 2005-2007,

"For the past several years, I have remained what others would consider underground," Umm...what? "I did this in order to build a community of people, like-minded in their desire for freedom and the right to pursue their goals and lives without being manipulated and controlled by a media protected military industrial complex with a completely different agenda."

I'm starting to get a little worried now,

"a more mainstream and public life," turning "away from a lifestyle that required distortion and compromise as a means for maintaining it . . . During this period of crisis, much was said about me both slanted and inaccurate, by those who had become dependent on my creative force, yet unwilling to fully acknowledge the importance of my contribution, nor compensate me equitably for it."

Oh so you aren't a millionaire then Lauryn?!

"I did whatever needed to be done in order to insulate my family from the climate of hostility, false entitlement, manipulation, racial prejudice, sexism and ageism that I was surrounded by.

"There were no exotic trips, no fleet of cars, just an all out war for safety, integrity, wholeness and health, without mistreatment, denial, and/or exploitation."

No exotic trips? God, live a little woman.

"I abandoned greed, corruption, and compromise, never you, and never the artistic gifts and abilities that sustained me,"

Between Lauryn Hill building a community of like minded tax dodgers and Wyclef Jean possibly misappropriating charitable funds intended for the victims of the Haiti disaster The Fugees split seems to have not only been a bad thing for the music industry but also for the safety of the planet as a whole. Only Pras Michel is left unscathed and that's only because he's disappeared.

Maybe Lauryn Hill's community has freed him from a life of manipulation, racism, sexism and ageism by kidnapping him. In which case I envisage the FBI laying siege to her compound and slowly driving her and her community crazy by playing annoying white noise all day and night at a deafening volume. And by annoying white noise I mean The Fugees cover of Killing Me Softly, that song gets really fucking annoying after a couple of plays.

 

Kinky Birds

Antarctic explorers have it rough; they have to eat 5,000 calories a day, walk through thick tundra landscapes and try and avoid such ever present dangers as frost bite, snow-blindness and polar bear attacks.

You would think that anything unusual and quirky they witnessed out there would be amplified 100 times by all that adversary and be the source of hours of amusement and future biography fodder. Well, it would be, if you were anyone other than George Murray Levick that is, the miserable geordie sod.

Accounts of unusual sexual activities among penguins, observed a century ago by a member of Captain Scott's polar team, are finally being made public.

Details, including "sexual coercion", recorded by George Murray Levick were considered so shocking that they were removed from official accounts.

However, scientists now understand the biological reasons behind the acts that Dr Levick considered "depraved".

Mr Levick, an avid biologist, was the medical officer on Captain Scott's ill-fated Terra Nova expedition to the South Pole in 1910. He was a pioneer in the study of penguins and was the first person to stay for an entire breeding season with a colony on Cape Adare.

He recorded many details of the lives of adelie penguins, but some of their activities were just too much for the Edwardian sensibilities of the good doctor. He was shocked by what he described as the "depraved" sexual acts of "hooligan" males who were mating with dead females. So distressed was he that he recorded the "perverted" activities in Greek in his notebook.

Wah Wah Wah, what a bitch. I know the Victorian idea of depraved sex was cuddling afterwards but why would an avid biologist leave out any details about something that he would become inexorably linked with? Maybe it was because he wanted them to forever remain cute and jester like instead of appearing to be filthy perverts who engage in dirtier sex than an Italian Prime Minister.

I'd love to see his other reports on Antarctic wildlife, especially if he saw a pair of leopard seals banging each other while one continuously shouted "say my name bitch! Scream it!!" Also, at what point could wildlife be responsible for sexual coercion?! I think he's anthropomorphize the animals a bit too much...wait did he even see any penguins having sex? Or could these be the insane ravings of a Victorian era sex maniac who had a thing for penguins? Yes, that sounds like the only reasonable explanation.

Source: BBC

 

Whatever arsehole

While it isn't normally acknowledged in polite society swearing is a very important part of the English language and has been since its inception. For example, did you know that the word shit dates back at least 500 years and was first used in the form of Scitan which means to...well...you know...produce a fudge dragon.

While it's never been acceptable to use the words of curse in a continuous stream of never ending profanity (see Colin Farrell's entire life) it's certainly not so bad that you need to completely avoid swearing for fear of offending people/scaring small children is it?

Swearing is the most difficult habit to break, beating the likes of drinking too much caffeine, smoking, and chewing finger nails, according to a poll.

More than a quarter (26%) of the 600 people questioned said that using too many expletives in conversations was their biggest vice, the survey by ECigaretteDirect.co.uk found.

Drinking too much caffeine came second in the poll, with 18% saying giving up their daily cups of tea and coffee was the hardest thing to quit.

Fortunately I've never liked coffee because I honestly believe it tastes like bitter moose piss...don't ask me how I know what that tastes like, let's just say when you've got a gun to your head you'll do anything to live...but the swearing thing, yeah, I would find that near impossible to give up. I don't swear as much as some people I know (I used to know a University lecturer who swore so much he probably could have used the F word 3 times in a sentence describing the birth of a puppy), then again I could do with cutting down on my use of the more serious swears. However, this video from Stephen Fry may settle the argument once and for all. Fuck change, swearing is good.

 

Source: pa.press.net

 

Step away from your wife and put the fork down

Don't be fooled by the gym freaks/fitness fanatics/health nuts, it is every persons dream to eat in bed. And not just eat breakfast in bed, oh no, most people (well...mainly me) wouldn't mind eating KFC, Chinese takeaway and deep fried horse in bed.

That being said most people know where to draw the line. I occasionally pig out and eat crap but I also walk 15 miles and use my rowing machine 3 or 4 times a week.

This woman cannot see the line because it's a long way behind her, and doing an about turn when you're 52 stone is really difficult.

A ROLY-POLY woman is on a mission to be the world’s biggest bride — and has already picked out her 9XL wedding dress.

Mum-of-two Susanne Eman, 33, is bidding to become the heaviest woman ever and has already topped 37 stone.

Now she’s waiting for chef boyfriend Parker Clack, 35, to formally pop the question so they can start planning their big day. She’s already called on dressmaker Judee Goff to design the world’s largest wedding gown — which uses 45ft of chiffon and lace to cover Susanne’s colossal curves.

Suzanne, from Arizona, said: “When I tried the dress on, it was amazing, I felt like a bride. “Parker hasn’t seen me in it, but he’s seen photos and says I look beautiful. “He hasn’t formally proposed with a ring yet, as he wants to surprise me. But we’ve agreed we’re getting married, and he’s just waiting for the right moment.”

I've heard the saying 'never trust a thin chef' but I don't think anyone's ever heard 'never trust a chef that hasn't turned his wife into a disgusting experiment'. Honestly, the photograph looks like a scene from the film Se7en if it had been made by the Coen Brothers instead of David Fincher.

What this article doesn't mention is that this woman has tried to break gluttonous records before; just last year (already weighing in at a slender 50 stone) she decided she was going to become the fattest human ever and set a target of 115 stone as her ideal weight. Someone must have had a word with her though since her goals changed, which is a good thing as someone who weighs 115 stone would be able to create a gravity well large enough to force the earth into the black hole that is her belly button and transport it to the phantom zone.

It's nice that she has a new target though, and who wouldn't want to look their best on their wedding day. It might not be the worst idea in the world to check on both of them before they leave for their honeymoon. She might have suffered chest pains and he might be, well, flattened.

Source: thesun.co.uk

 

Excited doesn't even cover it

Unless you're a miserable wretch who hates mainstream films because they don't feature lots of silence and poignant window staring I think you'll agree it's been a damn fine summer for films so far.

The Avengers was great and made a load of money and Prometheus was a fun and visually stunning flick. Now all I need is for The Dark Knight Rises to be as good as it's predecessor (an unlikelihood) and make as much money as The Avengers (a near impossible task).

While it will definitely be an uphill struggle for the final part of the trilogy to out perform The Dark Knight in both critical praise and commercial success it's certainly done a very effective job of promoting itself.

Just take the most recent trailer shown at the irredeemably dire 2012 MTV Movie Awards; it's so pant wettingly exciting that even the morons at the ceremony were led to believe that it will be better than the films they normally enjoy (which are generally about sissy vampires or teenagers being forced to kill each other).

So here's the trailer, take a look for yourself and if you think it looks good you could sign yourself up to the Christopher Nolan fund. If you donate now you will receive a special pair of 3D glasses or nothing if you're a 2D cheapskate.

 

 

Deja Vu

Memphis Tennessee, 1982, actor and comedian Andy Kaufman faces local hero and legendary heat machine Jerry 'The King' Lawler in a wrestling match which had been built up for months by Kaufman (who called Memphis the 'Redneck Capital' of the country) in an attempt to reignite his damaged career.

The contest itself went to a no-finish after Lawler piledrove Kaufman hard into the knackered and filthy Memphis Wrestling ring, breaking his neck in the process.

After weeks of treatment Kaufman appeared alongside Lawler on the David Letterman show ostensibly to apologise to Lawler and the people of Memphis for calling them every name under the sun. Only it didn't quite go down like that.

Shortly after a brief apology and a relaxed start the interview quickly changed tone as Lawler and Kaufman engaged in subtle mockery of each other. This continued to escalate until 'The King' got up out of his seat and slapped Kaufman across the face so hard that he fell out of his chair and flew half way across the studio. In response Kaufman threw his water at Lawler and unleashed a torrent of obscenities on live television that was so shocking even David Letterman recoiled in disbelief.

Their resulting feud lasted for months and drew reasonable to slightly disappointing business for the Memphis territory but, more than that, entered into folklore as one of the greatest hoodwinks in history. The mainstream media bought the entire feud hook, line and sinker and believed that Kaufman had gone insane. The truth was that Kaufman had been shopping his services around various wrestling territories for months (including the WWWF then run by Vince McMahon Sr.) and everything from the insults to the match to the broken neck and Letterman confrontation were arranged in advance (without the knowledge of Letterman and his staff I should point out). Kaufman and Lawler had played the mainstream media like a pair of Stradivarius's.

That was 1982, surely no one could fall for something like that in the enlightened age we live in now could they?

Lembit Opik needed hospital treatment for suspected broken ribs after making his professional wrestling debut - in a match-up which lasted only two minutes. The 47-year-old former Liberal Democrat politician, who has attempted a number of quirky career changes since losing his Montgomeryshire seat in 2010, appeared in front of hundreds of fans in Welshpool on Saturday night - but proved no match for 18-stone opponent Kade Callous.

The bout ended prematurely with Opik being floored by several blows and a choke hold from his opponent. And as he was carted off in an ambulance he said that Callous - whom he had accused of cheating in a previous bout - was 'a bully'. 'He destroyed me and I am very sore,' Opik said.

'I think I need to think about what I am doing in future, because I think I may have gone a step too far this time. I can't say whether I will ever do this again because it is not funny. He is a bully and he hurt me.' Callous however hit back saying that Opik had 'no business' attempting to take him on in the ring.

'He didn't even have the good grace to get trained at a wrestling school,' he told the Shropshire Star. 'He's been taught a mighty lesson and I hope he doesn't want to fight again, because I will put him in hospital again.'

Oh my, how awful. I am stunned by these truly horrific and unique scenes. I do hope this bully gets his comeuppance at the hands of mighty Lembit (who, as you can tell from the video below, is so popular with the crowd that they want him to get drilled one more time) then maybe he can go back to his day job as a politician and help fight the good fight in that arena to. Oh no, wait, he didn't get elected did he? Better sign up for a rematch Mr Callous, looks like he needs the work afterall.

 

Source: metro.co.uk

 

Kim Kardashian is calling YOU a thief

Kim Kardashian...sorry...pornstar Kim Kardashian stopped off in the UK last week while on her way back from Nice where she had gone to see Kanye West, eat some frogs legs and lower the European population's mean IQ by 5 points and since she was going to be staying there for a few days she decided to take some incredibly ostentatious jewelry and priceless accessories with her.

Unfortunately some of those things went missing from her luggage and, being the master detective that she is, she deduced that the only logical explanation for their disappearance was that one of BA's staff members stole them from her luggage. She's clearly familiar with insurance fraud the idea of Ipso Facto.

US reality TV star Kim Kardashian has accused British Airways workers of stealing “irreplaceable” items from her luggage after a flight.

Kardashian, 31, whose father Robert helped clear OJ Simpson of a murder charge, claims staff at Heathrow took several handbags and “priceless” sunglasses she was given by her father before he died.

Kardashian arrived back in Los Angeles on Friday night after flying from Nice via Heathrow.

She wrote on her Twitter page:  “Very disappointed in British Airways for opening my luggage & taking some special items of mine! Some things are sentimental & not replaceable. Shame on you.”

A spokesman for British Airways said: “Terminal 5 has some of the most sophisticated automated baggage systems in the world, which are able to monitor bags every minute of their time in the terminal. At this stage, we have discovered no evidence to suggest that the bag in question was interfered with at Heathrow.

“Our investigation is seeking to establish details of the bag’s passage through Nice and Los Angeles airports.”

It's nice of The Evening Standard to go down the "her dad got OJ off" route instead of the "she's only famous because of that video" when trying to jog people's memory of just who the fuck this woman is. She really needs an intermediary to write her Tweets from now on since BA have basically blown her ridiculous theory out of the water and could potentially sue her into the ground if they so wished.

If they don't I think the entire country should, because she's basically calling all of us thieving scumbags who would just as soon steal her stuff as smile at her. I for one am greatly offended by her implication and demand satisfaction in the form of a free ride on former Olympian Bruce Jenner's back while he runs around pretending to be a fire engine. NNNNEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWMMMMM.

Source: The Evening Standard

 
Because there's more to life than hyperbole, picking sides and divorcing your husband of 5 years just to get away from him and his alien loving friends.
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