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Another strange film

Snaggletooth hotness herself Kirsten Dunst is back with attempt number 1038 to restart her career after it was killed by the double whammy of shite that was Marie Antoinette and Spider-Man 3.

Her latest film Upside Down is a visually stunning Sci-fi Romantic Drama thingy co-starring one of the most annoying actors on the planet, Jim Sturgess.

It's not out until the 15th of March, but that hasn't stopped the pseudo intellectual idiot users at IMDB giving it 6.4/10.

Time will tell whether these internet oracles are correct or not, it certainly has the potential to be silly and confusing and lazy in terms of explaining why people from two planets aren't allowed to shag, but for now let's all sit back and enjoy it's pretty visuals. Wow, it's like a moving painting!

 

I'll take a cheese burger with a side of rigor mortis

It's a strange thing to admit but I do sometimes really enjoy funerals. There's something very peaceful about reminiscing and remembering the best moments of someone's life.

In the past funerals I've been to have usually followed a similar pattern: a solemn and moving church ceremony, a difficult visit to the graveyard and finally a calming and cathartic wake.

Occasionally the service might feature a slightly unusual song or a video made by a close friend or relative, however this might be a good idea for anyone who is still coming up with the finer points of their burial,

David S. Kime Jr., 88, of West York, enjoyed eating fast food daily. His family honored him Saturday with a trip to the Burger King drive-through before he was buried.

"He always lived by his own rules," said Linda Phiel, one of Kime's three daughters. "His version of eating healthy was the lettuce on the WHOPPER JR."

As a tribute to a man who loved fast food, Phiel's family stopped for some burgers on the way to the cemetery. Mourners followed the hearse carrying Kime's flag-draped casket through the drive-thru. Each got a WHOPPER JR.

A man after my own heart! This story goes against everything we've been told about healthy eating over the years. How someone can live to the ripe old age of 88 (in a country ravaged by obesity) by eating fast food everyday of their adult life is some kind of miracle. You can talk about good genes, low stress levels and exercise all you want, but the only logical conclusion to be drawn from this story is that this dude had stumbled on to the elixir of life.

For years I've talked about my love of Chinese food but also secretly held off eating too much of the stuff for fear of turning into a fatty and dropping dead before my 50th birthday. Now, thanks to the long living Chinese people and this icon of over-indulgence, I have decided to move into an apartment above an all you can eat buffet and live off their wonderful menu until I drop dead at the age of 173.

Source: YDR.com

 

Apparently this never happened

Ahh Hollywood, you aren't half fond of making stuff up and passing it off as fact.

You showed us a car bomb going off in Michael Collins (a film set in the 1920's) even though they weren't used by the IRA until the 1970's.

You decided that The Book Of Eli should revolve around Denzel Washington protecting a single Bible for the blind when the complete Bible, in braille, actually occupies as many as 18 volumes.

You made an entire film about an American submarine crew who stole a decoding machine from a German U-boat when it was really the British vessel HMS Bulldog that captured such a device from U-110 in May 1941, long before the United States even entered the war.

With all those factual errors in mind (and there are loads more I could mention) I was less than surprised when Steve Wozniak - co-founder of Apple with Steve Jobs and one of the subjects of "jOBS" starring Ashton Kutcher and Josh Gad - alleged that a scene being used to publicise said film features a conversation that never happened. “Not close…we never had such interaction and roles…I’m not even sure what it’s getting at” are his exact words.

That's not exactly the kind of endorsement you want from someone who's heavily featured in the film. About the only way things could get worse for this production's reputation would be if Wozniak were to go on a bender, lose the plot and hold the city of San Jose hostage before declaring himself King of California. Now that would be really bad for business.

 

 

AFK for a few days

Well, it's that special time of the month again where I start my period go away for a short break.

This time though the arrangements are a little different; the site won't be updated tomorrow as I'll be travelling down to the West Midlands for an unofficial University reunion with a group of friends.

If you've never seen the West Midlands in winter before it looks almost exactly like this except it's more built up...and less hilly...and warmer...and with a lower Inuit population, ok it's nothing like this place but you have to admit, it looks very pretty doesn't it?!

After that I'll be heading down south as usual so don't expect an update on Thursday (31st Jan) as I will, once again, be putting my faith in the somewhat unreliable hands of the British rail network. The potential for extreme weather could make my journey very interesting indeed, so check back here on Friday for possibly the snowiest Inconsiderate Travellers yet. Or, if the weather Gods let us down, just a normal story about a duck getting drunk and stealing a car or something.

 

I'm your stupidest fan

So many things that we thought we knew about Lance Armstrong now seem completely tainted and irrelevant since he sort of kind of not entirely owned up to being a cheat.

The inspirational story of a cancer survivor from Austin, Texas who went on to win the Tour de France 7 times has been sullied and all but forgotten thanks to his decade long campaign of cheating, lying and intimidation.

Even his appearance in Dodgeball and all those homoerotic topless jogs with talentless poser Matthew McConaughey now seem like a betrayal.

If only he'd played the bongo's while naked and stoned like McConaughey maybe none of this would have happened.

But it's not just fans, friends, board members of charities and USADA who are pissed off with him, oh no, it's short sighted wheeler dealers to!

A man has revealed that he is stuck with thousands of Lance Armstrong DVDs.

Karl Baxter purchased 10,000 copies of The Science of Lance Armstrong for £1 each last year, before the doping scandal emerged. He had hoped to sell them for £3 each, leading to a possible profit of £20,000.

Baxter, the director of Wholesale Clearance UK Ltd, bought the DVDs from his supplier last summer.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with them now. It's one of those things in business, sometimes this sort of thing happens," he said. "But it seems to me as though Lance Armstrong's stock is pretty toxic now. We are trying to think of a creative use for them."

He added: "They will make good tea coasters, wind chimes or bird scarers. I could make a big tower or build a big domino toppling track for my 3-year-old."

At least this guy has a sense of humour about it, I was about to suggest some of those things myself. He seems to have forgotten that they can also be used as pretend Ninja stars, vanity mirrors for homeless people and earrings that could be redesigned by Vivienne Westwood and sold for £350 a pop.

The sad thing is if he'd done some research he would have seen this coming, I mean it's not like this is the first time the world of cycling has been rocked by a drugs scandal. The sport has built up a reputation over the years as being one of the dirtiest and most corrupt there is. If he really wanted to make money from a sports DVD he should have bought 10,000 darts themed titles.

Darts has a reputation as one of the cleanest sports in the world, it might also be the only one in existence where the main problem is people taking substances that might impair their performance rather than enhance it.

Source: Digital Spy

 

A new thing I'm doing

I've decided to branch out into the exciting and not yet thoroughly saturated world of Podcasting.

Whether or not this is a podcast in the traditional sense of the word is debatable. The podcasts I listen to are generally a group of friends sitting around, reviewing things, talking about their lives and generally having a laugh.

Since this isn't an option for me (I've eaten all of my friends or buried them under the patio) I decided to do something of a Audio Wrestling Sitcom Podcast Radio Play with people I know who are all wonderful but too far away to participate in a traditional podcast.

Please take a listen, I'm really proud of the end results and hopefully this can turn into a regular thing, complete with iTunes downloads. Obviously if you aren't into wrestling, comedy, wrestling based comedy or podcasts then you shouldn't bother listening to this. You might also want to get some help you miserable sod.

Here are the important credit things:

Written, Edited & Created by Lev Myskin

Dave...Lev Myskin @WhyAllTheAnger, Brian...Colm Ahern @Colm_Ahern, Allison...Alice Radley @AliceRadley

Music...Peter John Ross of Sonnyboo.com

 

 

fy arwr!

Us Welsh people are real heroes. If there's a dangerous environment for us to work in, you'd better believe we'll be there.

If there's a sport we can participate in where the likelihood of us taking a whooping is high, you can guarantee we'll show up anyway.

If there's a sheep that's being particularly stubborn we'll herd it until it knows who's boss. That's right, I said herd you bloody pervert, that's just how we roll.

However most of us would draw the line at wrestling a shark, that's just mental.

A Welsh tourist has been labelled a hero after he wrestled a shark that was swimming towards children on beach in Australia.

Sixty-two year old Paul Marshallsea from Merthr Tydfil grabbed the two metre-long Dusky Whaler shark by the tail on Bulcock Beach in Queensland and dragged it out to deeper water.

“When I got the shark to just over knee deep he turned on me and just missed me with a bite. The shark nearly took my leg off in a split second - it was that quick.”

The father of three was understood to have been at a barbecue with his family and friends when he heard the cries of “shark”. He ran to the shoreline and found that the shark was in shallow water and close to where the toddlers were paddling.

"Where this shark actually came ashore it’s shallow for about five or six yards and a lot of babies and toddlers splash about there - it could have very nasty."

You bet your arse it could have been nasty, not that you can tell that from the video below; it literally looks like he's told off a naughty child and sent them on their way. He was probably shitting himself but you can't tell that from his exterior, this guy is cool and calm. Very impressive.

The whole shark attack/spider bite/koala bear mauling is one of the main reasons I've put off travelling to the Australia for so long, but if all their wildlife is as soft as this shark then I'm on the next flight. Honestly, that thing is less of a lethal predator and more of an apologetic queue jumper, "Oh, sorry what? The queue is over there? I am terribly sorry sir, please accept my humblest apologies."

 

Source: TTG Digital

 

Interactive TV

I've resisted the urge to upgrade to a 3D TV for a long time now. It's partially down to the reports that they induce migraines and also because I can't afford to blow £3000 on a TV...actually it's almost entirely the second thing.

Sometimes you have to draw the line with large purchases, and a giant TV that only works with certain channels and Blu-Rays is could be classed as a bit of a waste. Besides there are much better things to do with your time; you could go for a walk, volunteer, maybe even help an old lady cross the road while resisting the urge to make fake fart noises as you do so.

Obsessing over unnecessary status symbols can sometimes lead to the most awful feelings of inadequacy. My main problem with technology is it's so fascinating it can turn even the most vibrant person into a festering, lazy slob. Trust me, I know, when I bought Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion I saw so little of the sun that I actually started to believe China had stolen it.

Or, if you're already a lazy slob you could just sit at home and wait for something amazing to happen right in front of your house. That's really stupid though; the likelihood of a newsworthy event just rolling up to your door, all sirens blaring and life endangering, is so low it's wait WHAT THE FUCK?!! SOMEBODY CALL THE oh wait there they are!

 

 

It's about time

If there's one company you don't want to go to if you're looking to make a successful film it's a company that has lost money on film projects for years. Worse still it's a company that's lost money of every single project it's branched out into other than the one it started with: Wrestling.

I'm talking about WWE Studios, who's list of money losing films is so long it could be used to measure the The Great Khali. One of the biggest problems they have when it comes to their films is giving far too much away in the trailers.

If they were a little more subtle and coy with their teasers instead of revealing the entire film before you've even seen it then maybe their terrible films would stand a chance of breaking even.

Fortunately it looks like times are changing because somehow (don't ask me how) they've managed to get Colin Farrell, Noomi Rapace, Dominic Cooper, Terrence Howard and Niels Arden Oplev (director of the original Girl With The Dragon Tattoo film) attached to Dead Man Down.

That's a big deal, and a step in the right direction, but even more impressive might be this trailer for their next film The Call starring ultra milf Halle Berry and Abigail Breslin. The reason it's so impressive is not just because of the names involved, but also the fact that they have finally made a decent trailer, one that doesn't give away too much of the film's narrative.

Hopefully (a word I use far too often when I talk about wrestling these days) this will be the start of a trend that will see the film division start to make money for WWE, because god knows it can't carry on losing them the kind of money it has been.

Hell, if they run out of ideas I'm always available! Monkey Tennis: The Movie. Solid gold baby!

 

Up yours HMV

Well it's old news now, and they've been on the ropes longer than Andre the Giant at Wrestlemania 6 but HMV have finally gone under.

I know they're technically in administration but we all know how that ends 9 times out of 10.

Along with the gloomy headlines came more proof that high street stores are no longer to be trusted as the HMV administrators decided they were no longer honouring vouchers or points.

Trading standards have said that you should be able to reclaim your voucher money if you've paid for it by card, but that's no good to those of us that used good old fashioned notes to pay for ours.

The administrators are making off with our money which, apparently, they are perfectly entitled to do. You might as well have filmed yourself flushing your cash down the toilet, at least that way you'd be making your toilet rich as opposed to a heartless suit.

A similar situation occurred when Game went under; overnight my £24 worth of points were inexplicably downgraded to £2.40. Skullduggery like this is usually only seen on Watchdog but apparently high street stores are more than capable of shafting customers in ways that would make a dodgy plumber blush.

This is a bit of a watershed moment for me. For years I've resisted the siren call of online stores in favour of supporting not only local shops but also the high street itself. There's something very romantic about jaunting up and down a paved monument to consumerism, it's the ultimate in laid back indulgence.

That illusion has been shattered in the last 5 years and the efforts I've made to stay true to my beliefs have been undermined by the very institutions I've been trying to support. So, all sesquipedalianisms aside, fuck you HMV. Even if you survive I'll still avoid you. Die a prolonged and relentlessly agonising death.

 

The complete crazy package

I know some people (I wouldn't exactly class them as friends) who have gotten so drunk they've tried to smash beer bottles over their own heads. This course of behaviour usually leads to two things happening: one is that they end up with a terrible headache from the repeated blows to the head they've inflicted upon themselves and the second is that others around them who witness this stupidity call them crazy.

While it might seem pretty crazy to smash beer bottles over your head when you're drunk it actually isn't, it's just plain idiocy. Crazy is something else entirely. Crazy is defined as "Mentally Deranged", and smashing bottles over your head isn't deranged because it's done so often by so many idiots it's almost par for the course at any wild party.

To be a true loon you have to do one thing (or in most cases several things) so weird that it would make any normal human being recoil in shock. This next story might have that effect,

A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

The man drove up to a Hell's Angels clubhouse near Munich, wearing only a pair of shorts and carrying a puppy. He dropped his shorts and threw the dog, escaping on a bulldozer from a nearby building site.

He was arrested later at home by police. The 26-year-old is said to have stopped taking depression medication. After making his getaway on the bulldozer, he had driven so slowly that a 5km tailback built up behind him on the motorway.

After driving about 1km, he had abandoned the bulldozer in the middle of the motorway, near Allershausen. He continued his journey by hitchhiking.

"What motivated him to throw a puppy at the Hell's Angels is currently unclear," a police spokesman said. The puppy is now being cared for in an animal shelter.

Yep, I'd say this could be classed as crazy. God knows why he chucked a puppy at the Hell's Angels, I have an image in my head of the Hell's Angels screaming, "Why did you do that you jerk?" at him before cradling the puppy and saying "Awww it's ok cutie, the nasty man won't hurt you any more. Would you like a biscuit? YESH YEW WOOD! OH YESH YEW WOOD!!"

This little spree of insanity is pretty high on the all time nutters list, but it's nothing compared to UWF Founder Herb Abrams' death, which is described on Wikipedia like this,

Before his death, while high on Cocaine, Abrams was found nude, destroying furniture with a baseball bat in his New York office, while covered in a "vaseline" type substance. He was in the company of prostitutes at the time. Not long afterwards, he died while in police custody, of a heart attack. He had cocaine stuck all over his body when he died.[2]

Now that folks is crazy.

Source: BBC and Wikipedia

 

Get your ass some moss to Mars

It has been the fevered dream of geeks, scientists and people called John Carter for eons now; going to Mars.

The red planet has captured people's imaginations since the time of the ancient Greeks and it's allure has only become more intense with the advent of space travel.

Obviously there's a few stumbling blocks in the way of humanity's spread across the cosmos, namely money and that pesky little scamp known as the world economy.

That hasn't stopped organisations who, since the turn of the century, have either branched out into or been set up with the expressed aim of making space travel a reality for your average millionaire.

Great news if you have money to waste on a luxurious vomit comet journey, but not so useful for the future of mankind and the increasing pressures of an exploding population. Fortunately, some crazy Dutch people are here to save the day! Excelsior!

Keen to get off this rock once and for all? If you're over 18, smart, and physically and mentally sound, Mars wants you.  

Netherlands-based non-profit organization Mars One believes it will colonise the Red Planet by 2023 and is seeking adventurous souls to establish a settlement.

And they'll take just about anyone who's happy to train for eight years and farewell Earth forever. "Gone are the days when bravery and the number of hours flying a supersonic jet were the top criteria," said Mars One's chief medical officer Norbert Kraft.

"We are more concerned with how well each astronaut works and lives with the others."

So literally any old numb nuts can go to Mars? Anyone over 18 who isn't mental or a fatty can travel there? Count me in! Not only would I be Wales' greatest blogger (an unofficial title I gave myself along with King of my village) but I would be also be Mars' greatest blogger.

Although the entries would get a little weird after a while:

Monday: Looked out of the window, everything is red.

Tuesday: Went for a walk, It's still really red around here. Man I'm bored.

Wednesday: Counted my cutlery and found a particularly nice looking spoon, it's also very useful for cooking.

Thursday: had a chat with my neighbours. They all seem like good people, showed them my cool new spoon.

Friday: Married my spoon, we're very happy together.

Saturday: Divorced spoon after I caught her in bed with a neighbour. Slut.

Sunday: Was declared insane by the mission's doctor and sent back to Earth before I killed everyone. I miss my spoon.

Source: MSN

 

Look who's bloody talking again

So I've done another episode of Rational Wrestling Review with the excellent Alice Radley. If you would like to hear Alice and myself review of the January 7th Raw please take a listen, if you don't like my voice or are easily annoyed by Skype clipping then don't. You'll be missing out but that's fine, I'm not the boss of you.

There will be more of these coming in the future so stay tuned. To visit the homepage proper go here.


Podcast Powered By Podbean
 

 

Carrie will cheer up your winter

If you're cold, miserable and broke this winter it might be the perfect time to go out and enjoy a little cinema based escapism. That certainly seems to be what a lot of people have decided to do since the days started getting shorter.

Escapist fodder such as Django Unchained, The Hobbit and The Life Of Pi have all done excellent business, which is nearly as much to do with the shitty weather as it is to do with their marketing campaigns.

What I generally like at this time of year is a good old fashioned shit your pants scary horror film. Nothing beats the nerve shredding excitement of suspending your disbelief for a while and indulging your brains desire for controlled fear.

The thrill of watching a horror film is sometimes rendered pointless when it's a remake (or a "re-imagining") of a classic, but that certainly wasn't the case when I saw Red Dragon in the cinema, oh no! Granted I had a high temperature and was hallucinating at the time but that just made the film extra scary.

I actually enjoy remakes if they're done well because it makes me feel like the film has been produced by someone who is just as big of a fan of the original as I am. Dawn of The Dead, The Thing, The Omen and others of that type have all been perfectly acceptable films in their own right.

I don't see any reason why the new version of Carrie can't fit into that category as well, especially as it has the talents of Julianne Moore and Chloe Grace Moretz attached, alongside the smoking hotness that is Judy Greer in there for good measure.

So, here to whet your appetite is a 57 second teaser trailer for one of the big horror films of 2013 due for release in...the Spring. Shit. All that stuff about Winter was a giant waste of time then? Oh well, you might as well take a look anyway. Blood and Flames baby!

 

 

Justin Bieber owns your pictures

There are some celebrities out there that I really want to believe are good, honest and nice all the time no matter what they're doing.

My list of presumed good eggs include: Robert Downey Jr, Stephen Fry, Tom Jones, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Kevin Smith, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and (coincidentally) Selena Gomez.

Then there are others who, for whatever reason (possibly media brainwashing), make me want to believe every bad story I ever hear about them because, no matter how hard I try I just can't bring myself to like them.

That list includes just 4 names: Beyonce, Taylor Swift, Mel Gibson and Justin Bieber. While they're all altruistic in their own way I don't think I'll be the only person in the world to find these divisive folk more than a little annoying.

Justin Bieber is probably the biggest target of them all because he's impetuous, has been rammed down our throats for years and, worst of all, he's a smiler. I forgot one there, what was it...oh yeah, he has a poor understanding of copyright law,

Justin Bieber reckons he owns all his pals party pics from hereon in.

The singer’s machine are battening down the shutters after the teen was pictured clutching a suspicious looking fag during a party this week.

Now insiders claim his team are warning anyone that parties with the Canadian star that if they take a picture, all rights belong to the Biebs.

According to TMZ, his heavies have now resorted to sticking up posters around the room to inform his hangers-on of his play time rules.

As for this week’s leak, apparently the warning signs were up but weren’t visible to the culprits who snapped the 18-year-old star having a puff.

Oh my god he's a junkie to! Doesn't he know that Marijuana can lead to harder drugs like salt and mental disorders such as hilarity and megalomania? What a dummy, know your facts Biebs, crack is whack and so forth.

Does it say more about me and our culture in general that I've jumped all over this story and gloated about the continued demise of his career than it does about Bieber himself? Probably yes. But I'm so vein and self centred that I really don't care how bad this makes me look. Up yours Bieber you pot smoking, overbearing, Selena Gomez cheating on douche bag.

Source: Metro

 

Inconsiderate Travellers #27: The Stinky Edition

Look at The Floating Head of Henry Kissinger doesn't it look dapper on it's new body?! Stylish new jacket, all black top (like that cool cat H R Giger) and some very expensive looking baggage which, of course, he just had to put on the window seat.

Anywhere else and it might get marked or scuffed, if the bag is next to him on the seat then he can protect it from any possible threat to it's integrity and value such as drunk people, trollies or Celtic warriors firing flaming arrows everywhere.

Yep, The Floating Head of Henry Kissingerhas become a style icon all right, you'd better believe he's going to be featured on magazine covers in the not too distant future.

That is unless he does something truly disgusting like take his shoes and socks off on a train and fall asleep...Eww! The dirty fucker has taken his shoes and socks off and fallen asleep. Disgraceful behaviour. His endorsement deals just disappeared faster than Tiger Woods'.

I've seen this type of Inconsiderate Traveller before but never in all my...umm...year and a half of doing this have I ever seen someone take their shoes and socks off on a train. I mean good god man, it's an Arriva train! People could have vomited there or dropped a disease infested needle on that very spot. This train goes through Rhyl you know.

For taking up a seat on a really busy service and taking his shoes and socks off he earns a place in the hallowed annals of Inconsiderate Travellers. Also, for the double whammy of selfishness and grossness, he has become the 4th worst Inconsiderate Traveller of all time. That's just what I think anyway, you can judge for yourself. Hell some people out there might love this guy if they have a foot fetish.

 

You are what you eat: lots of turkey

Christmas is over (sort of) and the results of excessive consumption are there for all to see. If you've drunk too much it's time for a detox, if you've partied too hard now would be a good time to live like a hermit for a month or so, and if you've eaten too much you'd better get used to the taste of rice cakes because your fat ass needs a break from munching.

If the last one applies to you (I would imagine it would apply to most people) then you might want to avoid reading the next quote, drool and computer keyboards don't mix well at all.

The UK's biggest Christmas sandwich contains one kilo of turkey.

The feast features a helping of each of the favourite festive foods included in a traditional Christmas meal.

It includes potatoes, sprouts, six carrots, six parsnips and eight sausages wrapped in bacon, held together in an 800g crusty loaf.

Chef Richard Hollis created the monster snack, which is served beside a container of cranberry sauce and a large helping of stuffing.

If there is any room left for desert, the sandwich is followed by a 450g Christmas pudding and a huge pint-and-a-half serving of tea.

How much is one kilo anyway? I'll just have a quick check.

48 seconds later: 2.2lbs? That's not a huge amount of turkey really, it's only about 10% of your average family's Christmas turkey, I think I could plow through that with relative ease. Although, once you throw the carrots, potatoes, parsnips, sausages, sprouts (eww) and bread into the mix I'd start to struggle.

Thankfully the 450g Christmas pudding wouldn't be an issue. I'd be playing football with that before slowly pouring the tea down a drain, all in full view of some starving orphans who would be completely baffled by my maniacal laugh and wide eyed stare as I wasted my food in such a sadistic manner. Can you tell that my festive cheer has warn off yet?

Source: Digital Spy

 

Because there's more to life than hyperbole, picking sides and being surprised you've been dropped by a major supermarket for sending them horse burgers.
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