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News Flash Toronto, Nobody Gives a Fuckjermaine-defoe

I should start this article by saying I am by no means a football fanatic. Yes I play Football Manager and watch Match of the Day but I don't go to matches, don't spend much time talking about it and probably think about the beautiful game less than I think about furniture and the weather.

That being said I am more than familiar with Jermain Defoe and here's what I know about him: he used to be a very consistent and formidable striker before age, injuries and a series of managerial changes sapped his enthusiasm for the game and his skills.

He's spent the last few years sitting on the bench, dodging transfer rumors involving much smaller clubs than Tottenham and generally doing little to justify collecting what was said to be a very sizeable weekly pay cheque.

This looked like it was going to carry on for the rest of his career but he seems to have had a change of heart at some point over Christmas because Defoe now plays for "who the fuck are they?" team Toronto FC.

To celebrate/announce this news Toronto FC produced a video supposedly showing the shock at what I assume are supposed to be Londoners when the news is announced. Meanwhile, in the real world, nobody outside of Jermain Defoe's accountancy firm cares that he's decided to move to the MLS in a desperate attempt at reviving his career. It's almost as if Toronto FC are making a big fuss over what is an insignificant move.

A North American sports franchise making a big song and dance out of something nobody outside of their small pocket of the world cares about? Who ever heard of such a thing.



Lego: the future of car designlego-car-project

Lego is absolutely bloody everywhere these days. There are Lego video games, there's a Lego film coming out soon and there are even pieces of it floating around Operating Rooms the world over having been removed from the anus's of overly enthusiastic weirdos and College Freshmen.

It's actually gotten to the point where Lego is now officially the biggest tyre manufacturer in the world.

The next natural step for the company is to branch out into the real world, Lego hospitals, Lego art galleries and maybe even Lego restaurants are all on the horizon but for now we have to make do with full sized Lego cars.

Over in Australia two guys (Steve Sammartino and Raul Oaida) have used 500,000+ pieces of Lego to build a car that does around about 15-20mph and runs on, wait for it, nothing but air.

That's quite a spectacular achievement and a giant leap forward from a design point of view. Cars have run on batteries and used kinetic energy before but never fresh air. As I understand it there has already been a lot of interest in this project, particularly from the huge number of retired people in North Wales who love the idea of not having to fork out for fuel and are perfectly happy travelling at 20mph, even on A roads. Slow and steady wins the race apparently.


Source: MSN and superawesomemicroproject.com


Cattle Warschinese flag

Yes I know it's been a while since I last updated this site but I've been very busy what with having two jobs, preparing for Christmas and teaching people sign language in time for their interpreting duties at a certain famous person's funeral.

It's good to know that while I've been busy the world has carried on churning out insane news stories that bring a smile to my face instead of making me want to face palm out of frustration like most of the regular news does.

Take this little piece for example, it's written by the journalists/Chinese communist propaganda merchants at The Global Times and it's got so many crazy elements to it that the story ends up resembling a bonkers news onion; just when you think you've peeled off the last layer another one appears...man I feel like eating an onion right now.

Chinese scientists are monitoring a group of wild yaks in the mountains of Xinjiang Uygur Autonomous Region using unmanned aircraft in order to collect more precise data on the endangered species.

The research program, carried out jointly by zoologists from Xinjiang's Altun Mountains nature reserve administration and Beijing Normal University, is aimed at finding out the exact number of wild yaks in the mountain wilderness and their living conditions in order to devise better preservation plans for the species.

An unmanned aerial vehicle flying a preset route over the mountains collected meteorological data and captured photos of the yaks and their habitats during four flights in November, said Zhang Xiang, deputy chief of the Altun Mountains national nature reserve administration.

He said the data are being analyzed and results of the survey would be published soon.

An estimated 10,000 wild yaks are believed to roam the Altun Mountains at an altitude of 3,000 to 6,000 meters, said Zhang.

You've gotta love Communist names don't you. I mean "Autonomous Region" is hilarious enough but "Beijing Normal University" is possibly the greatest name I've ever heard for an educational institution. It's not flashy like those science academies or special performing arts schools, it's just normal. They might as well call it the "Beijing Ready Salted University".

Here in the West we're urged to be suspicious of Communists and their cunning ways but as the grandson of a lefty intellectual I can tell you there's nothing to be feared from the modern day interpretation of Marxism that is China, especially when they're using cutting edge military technology to monitor wild hairy beasties.

Although if they're going to use menacing flying weapons for anything I'd quite like to see some Liverpool FC matches for cheaper than Sky charge to watch them, maybe they could send their drones in to hover over Anfield and cover the football. Yes there's a good chance that could spark a massive world wide conflict but wouldn't World War III be worth it for a good 90 minutes worth of free football coverage?


Source: The Global Times


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