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Broken Pencils Episode 5: Stephanie vs Arn 12,000broken-pencil-pencils-wrestling-parody-radio-play

Obviously lots of things have been up in the air recently like where I will be living, when I will be updating this site and whether or not Coleen Rooney would be happier living in Munich or Manchester.

Another pressing concern to the many thousands...no hundreds of thousands of you out there must have been when you were going to get a new episode of the multi award winning (in my head) wrestling spoof/radio play thingy Broken Pencils.

Well your long, arduous wait is over with the arrival of Episode 5! In this episode the team welcome a new member onboard by hitting on her and trial the new addition to the WWE App. Card Subject To Change.

Written, Edited & Created by Lev Myskin

Dave...Lev Myskin @WhyAllTheAnger, Brian...Colm Ahern @Colm_Ahern, Stephanie...Rhiannon Story @RhiannonStory, Intern Joe...G Hall @Goftheinternet, John Laurinaitis...Bad News Ramen @BadNewsRamen, Arn 12000...Art Reese @AtomicGrande

Music Credits:
Opening Theme Music...Peter John Ross of Sonnyboo.com

Closing Theme...Theme for Harold var3 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0
http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/

 @WhyAllTheAnger

 

Time to put the nappies back onman-inside-toilet

Want to know what I consider to be the most disgusting scene in the history of cinema? It's the part in Trainspotting where Ewen McGregor climbs into a filthy toilet to retrieve a suppository.

I find that far more nauseating than Aliens bursting out of the chests of classically trained thesps, former comedy actors sawing their hands off or, by far the worst of the rest, the sight of Kathy Bates naked.

There's something about poo that I just can't handle. I know some parents, pet owners and zoo workers get used to it after a while but whenever I've had to pick up dog poo I've nearly wretched up my heart.

So while I normally feature stories that are funny, silly or hilarious this one is just a little bit too much to stomach so I'll just let you read it by yourselves while I wander over here and talk to god down the big white telephone.

A two-year-old boy had to be freed by firefighters when a toilet seat became stuck on his head.

The incident happened at Sunnybank in Barnstaple in Devon.

Firefighters from Devon & Somerset Fire & Rescue Service (DSFRS) used small tools to remove the toilet seat.

A spokeswoman for DSFRS said: " The fire service received a call reporting a boy with a toilet seat stuck on his head at the above location and very distressed.

"One fire appliance from Barnstaple attended. Fire crews removed the toilet seat from the head of a two-year-old boy using small tools.

"The boy was unharmed and left in the care of his mother."

I just...umm...I get that kids do weird things but how the hell did this happen? Was he practicing gymnastics and slipped? Or was he trying it on as a somewhat stinky hat and it got wedged on there? Either way this is probably bad parenting. Think about how difficult it would be to explain that to your partner, "How was my day? Oh you know, the usual. Got the shopping, called my friends, let our offspring stick his head in an area crawling with bacteria."

That's the sort of thing that would land you on Jeremy Kyle 16 years down the line because your now meth addicted son blames you for all of his problems thanks to that one shit sniffing moment. Nice job lady!

@WhyAllTheAnger

Source: MSN

 

Bring it on you waist coat wearing pussy!rude-receipt-tgi-friday's

Imagine going for a meal out with your loved ones/friends/employee you're about to fire and being faced with this sort of thing. Amazing isn't it?!

Most people have had a bit of cheek off a waiter at some point during their lives, but I'm sure they brushed it off as the rumblings of someone who doesn't get paid enough for what is actually quite a tough job.

I can accept the odd sigh here, the occasional mumble there, but if someone thinks so little of me that they are going to insult me to my face then I'm going to leave them the kind of tip that only a Dung Beetle would appreciate.

Yep, you guessed it; a fudge dragon. Right there on that little stainless steel tray.

A student received an apology from a caf√© in east London after she complained when she spotted typing on a receipt that referred to customers as ‘f***ers’.

Naomi Bloomer had gone to get a beverage at the Grind Coffee Bar at the Westfield Stratford shopping complex when she discovered the note.

In between an order on the receipt was the message ‘f***ers all come at once’, which was later confirmed to be aimed at the customers by one of the workers at the eatery.

Ms Bloomer, who stays in Kentish Town and attends University College London, told the Evening Standard: ‘This receipt was just sitting there on the bar, clearly visible to customers. I just thought it was really inappropriate and so I¬†complained.’

The 22-year-old was so angered when she saw the message she decided to write a complaint letter to Westfield customer service.

I think her complaint letter went like this:

"Dear Westfield Customer Service,

Some b**tard working in that sh***y place you call a cafe called me a f***er. Do you have any f***ing idea how f***ing angry that made me? I was ready to climb over the counter and slap 6 shades of s**t out of the staff. It's a good thing my boyfriend wasn't there, because if he'd read that note he'd have ****** **** **** ****** **** ****** with a **** ********* **** *** right in the **** ****** **** before cleaning the penguin off and going back to work.

Yours really f***ing sincerely,

Naomi Bloomer."

@WhyAllTheAnger

Source: Metro

 

The surprise breakfast.paprika-cafe-st-albans

That's quite a confusing title isn't it. It's not that I was surprised to be having breakfast, nor is it that I was attacked by my breakfast in some way (which has happened before), it was a surprise because I hadn't anticipated the mini adventure it turned into.

Generally I'm a pretty organised man(child). I wake up early, work to a set structure and tend to avoid extra hassle wherever possible. This morning was no exception; I was planning on going to a well known restaurant for a slightly indulgent breakfast.

On the way to my chosen eatery I passed the recently refurbished Bistro Paprika on Catherine Street in St Albans. Looking in I noticed that the entire place had been gutted and now resembled a very fancy New York apartment.

Upon venturing in we were greeted by the owner and his wife who mentioned that they had only officially opened 24 hours earlier. Myself and my girlfriend found a comfy sofa to sit in which was surrounded by vintage books, paintings and multiple chandeliers and mirrors on a well restored exposed brick wall.

The breakfast menu was straightforward, well priced and catered to most dietary requirements. Being a gluttonous creature of habit I settled for my usual Eggs Benedict which were the best I've ever had in a restaurant setting.

paprika-bistro-st-albansSometimes with Hollandaise sauce you get an over-powering hit of vinegar, thankfully this wasn't the case here. The sauce was thick and luxurious, the ham was tender, the muffins were perfectly toasted and the eggs were just the right side of runny. I was also reliably informed that the Banana Crepes with Berry Compote and sour cream were just as scrummy.

On top of the reasonably priced food, welcoming atmosphere and comfortable seats the China used for all the drinks were so pretty I almost felt obliged to go out and by a display cabinet for them after I'd finished my tea.

I cannot recommend this place highly enough to you. If you live in St Albans, London or are visiting please try it out. You might even see me there; I'll be the guy wearing the Luchadore mask...although probably not really.

@WhyAllTheAnger

Picture Source: @ms_eliz

 

I'm Back!graham-duffy-estate-agent

See that man on the right there? That's Graham Duffy. He's a nice man. A very nice man. He might look like he's screaming down that phone at some poor quivering wreck on the other end of the line, but I don't think he's the kind of guy who raises his voice a lot.

He's the agent of some estate or other who's been guiding me through the rigmarole of moving 250 miles south, setting up a new home and showing me the correct way to give people in his field many thousands of pounds. He's sort of like the Ben Kenobi to my Luke Skywalker (only without the great big bushy beard).

Besides helping me in the standard way he's also put up with my stalker like harassment of him on a near daily basis. What can I say, when there's serious money/work issues on the line I tend to turn into Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction.

st-albansSo, long story short (too late), I've now moved completely. My job, home and cool stuff are all now located just outside of London in the wonderful surroundings of St. Albans. It's a pretty place with a great big bloody Cathedral, a lovely high street (complete with wonky buildings) and enough cafes to satisfy Mr. Creosote.

As I mentioned in my last update my postings on here will be slightly less frequent as, well, I have more of a life now, but expect exciting new developments including podcasts, vodcasts and a possible site redesign by a very talented graphics person instead of one quickly botched together by the same talentless idiot that did the last 2 redesigns (me).

So I hope you will all visit here again whenever you get the chance, enjoy the funny, interesting and stupid stories, listen/watch the podcasts and generally just take it easy.

Remember, there's more to life than anger.

 

@WhyAllTheAnger

 

Because there's more to life than hyperbole, picking sides and being surprised that an awful and wooden actor has been cast as a cyborg.
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