What's this site all about then?

Shiny Happy Tweeplehappy-people-group

Look at all those happy people, all smiling and active and lively. Doesn't it sicken you?

I mean come on people, there's stuff to do. The world's economy isn't going to fix itself and people still suffer from migraines all the time. Why don't you stop being so bloody joyful and try to make the world a better place?!

I wonder if there's a way of monitoring these overly enthusiastic people without them realising it? Oh yeah, that's why Twitter was invented wasn't it! The CIA are watching people! STOP TWEETING!

A Footsie-style "happiness index" that measures the mood of the world on any given day can now be accessed by anyone online.

Click on www.hedonometer.org and you can see a wavy line plotted on a graph that rises and falls, in much the same way as the FTSE 100 index.

But the peaks and troughs have nothing to do with the financial health of major companies. Instead, they represent the averaged out emotional state of tens of millions of people.

A team of US scientists constructed the hedonometer from data obtained from the social messaging site Twitter.

Some 50 million tweets from around the world are collected each day and analysed for "happy", "sad" and "neutral" word content.

Words are assigned scores with the happiest and most positive placed at the top of a 1 - 9 scale. From this, an average happiness rating is calculated and plotted.

This entire idea sounds deeply flawed. Be honest now, how many people do you know that regularly Tweet, "Today I'm having a neutral/average/beige day". That's not what Twitter is for, Twitter is generally used as a way of letting the world know you're going shopping or have seen something funny. It doesn't have any real purpose beyond raising the mundane things in life to a level of importance that is normally only reserved for declarations of war.

The kind of people who take to Twitter to express their neutrality need to go on holiday or stop watching The Antiques Roadshow, that sort of TV will rot your mind far quicker than computer games or sniffing glue will.

It kinda makes sense though right? If people Tweet happy things the index rises, but if they Tweet sad stuff it goes down. It's sort of like how the real FTSE 100 index works only instead of Tweets that goes by what very powerful idiots say or what they do with their money. Personally I prefer the Twitter version, it causes less global problems than the real thing.


Source: MSN and Hedonometer


Inconsiderate Travellers #30: The Petty Bureaucrat Editioninconsiderate-travellers-selfish-rude-henry-kissinger-floating-head

Remember a couple of days ago when I was scared that nothing interesting would happen and that the content of this site would suffer as a result? I was genuinely nervous about that, in hindsight I needn't have worried because the world gifted me with the mother of all Inconsiderate Travellers.

If you followed my tweets yesterday you'll know that the journey was going pretty well until I hit Chester where, for reasons that may never be fully understood, a bunch of Italian students decided to start dicking around with the train doors as it stood at the platform.

The result of said dicking around was a 7 minute delay at Chester which, at that point, would have a potentially disastrous knock on effects for my connection at Milton Keynes. Sure enough I arrived at Milton Keynes with less than 2 minutes to run between platforms to catch my train.

Luckily I'm as swift and graceful as a gazelle and caught the train as the doors were closing. Thanks to the intervention of 4 other passengers - who were also running for the train - we managed to get the doors to re-open for the 5 seconds required to get all the late arrivals onboard.

The sense of relief was soon destroyed by an announcement over the trains speaker system which was seemingly done for the sole purpose of humiliating the people who had dashed for the doors.

It went along the lines of "This is a reminder to passengers that doors are due to close 30 seconds before the train departs from the platform. This is to ensure no delays to the service or any trains further down the line. Delays on this line can cause MAJOR problems for passengers and..." blah blah blah.

This went on and on until the poor group of people (including me) standing by the door had been thoroughly patronised in front of a carriage full of people who were either staring at them or looking somewhat bewildered by this angry, rambling announcement. When the train manager had finished her pathetic tirade I loudly announced to the carriage that I was extremely sorry for delaying the journey the 5 seconds it took to open and close the doors, many people sniggered.

After catching my breath I then looked around the packed carriage to see if there were any empty seats only to see 6 or 7 instances like the one in the picture above; classic Inconsiderate Traveller behaviour (bag on window seat to stop anyone sitting down instead of on the floor between the persons legs or overhead), this time on a massive scale.

Now that you have the full story here are my main problems with this situation: 1. People always run for trains. Deal with it lady, it's been happening for decades, possibly centuries. I'm sure George Stephenson had to run for a one of his trains when he realised he'd left his stottie on the carriage. It's just a fact of using public transport, and letting people know that the doors close 30 seconds before departure is not going to change that culture.

2. The bags on seats issue. If you're going to humiliate passengers who delay the train by 5 seconds why not be consistent and enforce ALL train rules. Get off your arse, check people's tickets and tell some of them - like the guy pictured - to either move their luggage or cough up for a second seat. That didn't happen of course; I was on the 4 carriage train for 20 minutes and didn't once see this mysterious angry voiced lady in person. Maybe she's afraid of large crowds.

On closer examination I've come to the conclusion that this was the 2nd worst instance of Inconsiderate Travellers I've ever recorded (still not as bad as the Virgin Trains employee who blocked a seat with her luggage), thanks must go out to The Floating Head of Henry Kissingercopyright-symbol for protecting the identity of one of the selfish bag people and to the very helpful person who runs London Midland's Twitter account who listened to my complaints and helped calm me down. You are a credit to your company, unlike some of your coworkers.



Journey to the centre of the Southfuny-road-sign-british-uk-motorway

Another week, another trip. This time it's my regular journey down south, where the signs make more sense than the Welsh ones but have silly names like "Peni Stone".

I mean what kind of a place names itself after a very small stone the exact size and shape of a penny? I assume that Peni is old English for Penny, that sounds about right doesn't it?

So the rules for while I'm away are as follows: there will be no posts on Thursday (25th of April) and Monday (29th of April) as I'll be travelling and I won't be posting on the weekend (as usual).

That puts an awful lot of pressure on me to come up with the goods on Friday and Tuesday...what am I going to do? Man I hope there's a few decent stories/Inconsiderate Travellers between now and then.

Oh, oh, I'm going to the Victoria and Albert Museum over the weekend, maybe I'll take some pictures while I'm wandering around the exhibits. There is of course the chance that I won't be allowed to take picture of the amazing antiquities and art work on show, if that's the case then expect lovely pictures of the outside of the building.


Fuck you technologyiPhone-5-usb-plug-socket-port-connection-problem-broken-stuck-in-computer-pc-mac

You ever had one of those days when you're so giddy with excitement that you drop your guard and all your cynicism disappears? That happens to me quite often but today was an especially surprising example.

After a thoroughly pleasant conversation with a Vodafone sales rep yesterday I decided to upgrade my soon to expire phone contract and get an iPhone 5. On top of my swish new phone I managed to wangle a contract that was better and cheaper than my current one, a double whammy of awesomeness.

Amazingly the phone arrived as expected today and, after spending a slightly ridiculous 2 hours setting it up (thanks to Apple's hopeless password system), I was fully charged and ready to go. Only the phone's USB connection to my PC wasn't.

USB connections, as a general rule, are all the same size and shape to avoid conflict with other devices. Hell, that's true of any connection that's ever been mass produced throughout history; if you make something that doesn't fit properly your product is rendered useless. Surely that's the first rule of the tech world isn't it?

Not according to Apple's iPhone 5it ain't. The USB cable I used to sync my phone for the first time had a death grip on the USB port and wouldn't let go. It took the might of me, my father, and a 20 year old pair of pliers to free the annoying duck faced port from its cosy new home.

Insanity of the highest order I'm sure you'll agree. A cursory search of Apple's forums reveals hundreds of other users reporting the same problem. Do any Apple employees reply directly to the queries? no. It's left to one particularly brave member to suggest using your credit card as leverage to get the bloody thing out easier. Well fuck that noise, I'd sooner use a diamond tooth pick as a pincer than my credit card.

The fact that these patently stupid homemade solutions are even being suggested in the first place is because Apple don't want to acknowledge the problem lest their sales dip. Therefore my Apple based cynicism is back and it's here to stay. After the iPhone 5 I might just revert to using smoke signals to communicate with people.



You don't need that sir; the meat is already deadthe-walking-dead-daryl-dixon-crossbow-guy-funny

I can't remember if I've ever mentioned this before but I absolutely fucking hate food shopping. People seem to take leave of their senses when they're wandering around supermarkets, in fact the way they act isn't that different to how I behaved after being injected with novocaine in preparation for a dental treatment.

The mindless wandering is one thing, but it's also the sheer noise of the place. Unless you do your shopping after 9pm (something I always did as a student) you're sustenance excursion is likely to feature the less than compelling soundtrack of screaming babies, confusing loud speaker announcements and families arguing over how much constitutes too much alcohol.

After you've made it out of the market itself you then have to fight an epic battle to get out of the car park. I once spent a truly miserable Saturday afternoon in my car trying desprately to leave the Llandudno ASDA, it took me a ridiculous 78 minutes to make the 200 yard journey from where I was parked to the exit.

All things considered it's amazing no one has ever gone insane in a supermarket before, I'd certainly be tempted to flip out and lose my shit if someone gave me grief at the check out.

A man has been sectioned after he was spotted in a supermarket with a loaded crossbow on his belt.

The man, in his 40s, was standing near the tills in a Tesco store in Kidderminster, Worcestershire, at 5am on Sunday.

West Mercia Police officers, on a routine patrol, noticed that the man's long coat was "hitched up at the back" and when they investigated found he had a "small, hand-held crossbow" tucked in a holster at his hip.

He was arrested on suspicion of having an offensive weapon and possession of cannabis and has now been sectioned under the Mental Health Act.

Superintendent Kevin Purcell, of West Mercia Police, said the arrest was the "direct result of a new strategy", brought in this month to cut robberies, with uniformed officers taking a look around late-opening shops.

A police spokesman said it was not known why the man was carrying the weapon and also confirmed it was not a toy.

Oh you don't know why he was carrying a crossbow do you? Read the above information Mr. Spokesman, that'll explain why someone in their 40's is carrying a lethal weapon around a supermarket. I'm frustrated enough to scream in the middle of one of these places and I'm 10-15 years younger than this guy. Imagine what an extra decade of tension and stress can do to an otherwise balanced err...stoner.

They also seem to be forgetting the fact that this guy lives in Kidderminster, besides trainspotting and looking at pretty/sad Victorian workhouses it's hard to think of anything else there is to do there, carrying medieval weapons into supermarkets must be an interesting new hobby. I know Kiddie residents must be thinking that's quite cheeky coming from a North Walian, but us Gogs have a well known past time that we indulge in whenever the weather turns and the nights get really cold and lonely. Yep, that's right: Golf.


Source: MSN


Here comes the summer!tom-cruise-oblivion-poster

Time to start intensive eye training people, it's blockbuster season! In previous decades big budget films didn't get released until the apex of the summer holidays, but in the last few years they've been coming out earlier and earlier.

Today was the unofficial start of the season for me, as I got to watch the surprisingly good Tom Cruise Sci-fi, action, romantic drama Oblivion at a time of day when only the unemployed and lazy are out on the streets. But that was just the start of it.

Due for release in the next few weeks are Iron Man 3, Star Trek Into Darkness, The Fast and The Furious 6, The Great Gatsby, The Hangover III, The Dark Tower, Man Of Steel and...erm...Postman Pat!

Thanks to my addiction to the world of cinema I'll be going to see at least 4 of those (sadly not Postman Pat though) and I have no doubt most of them will be quite entertaining. One which may have flown under most people's radar though is a reworking of a classic horror film that was released in the UK today. I've included a (red band) trailer so you can see if it's your type of flick but be warned: this is definitely NSFW and not suitable for anyone who doesn't know what Teddy Ruxpin was.

Get your arses to the cinema folks, shit's about to go down!




Broken Pencils Episode 4broken-pencils-logo

Here it is! After a slightly longer break than normal (thanks to my Cardiff trip) my Radio play, Podcast, comedy/spoof thingy is back for it's 4th installment.

In this episode the team weigh up potential new signings from around the world, celebrate the success of WWE's film The Call and come up with new movie ideas that will probably end up costing the company a small fortune in losses.

Card Subject To Change.

Written, Edited & Created by Lev Myskin (please visit http://www.whyalltheanger.co.uk)

Dave...Lev Myskin @WhyAllTheAnger, Brian...Colm Ahern @Colm_Ahern, Allison...Alice Arrington @AliceSArrington, Intern Joe...G Hall @Goftheinternet, John Laurinaitis...Bad News Ramen @BadNewsRamen, Fan...Art Reese @TheAtomicGrande

Music Credits:
Opening Theme Music...Peter John Ross of Sonnyboo.com

Closing Theme...Theme for Harold var3 Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0



Why didn't I think of that?commuter-newspaper-head-new

I've been doing Inconsiderate Travellers for nearly 2 years now and in that time the format has remained pretty much the same since it's inception: spot someone being a thoughtless bastard on public transport, take their picture, edit said picture so their identity is protected by The Floating Head Of Henry Kissingercopyright-symbol-logo, publish their selfishness for all to see.

It might seem pointless given that I don't name or shame them but that's not the point really.

The whole reason behind this exercise is to make other people aware of just how annoying and selfish this behaviour is in the fervent hope that they will not do it themselves and maybe even stop it from happening in future.

In all my time of doing this site it never occurred to me to just grab the nearest copy of The Metro, fold it carefully and take a picture of David Cameron's head on top of an inebriated city worker.

Whoever decided to do this is a genius and has the kind of outlook on life that we should all try and emulate. Well done sir/madame whoever you are, please continue putting your life on the line in the name of escapist humour.


Source: imgur and the amazing Elora Marston


Unsightly, unappealing, unlawfulbaggy-trousers-fine-us-law-crime-fashion-trend

I am very glad I live in the land of the free and home of the brave. I can walk the streets and take in the beautiful scenery without fear of being mugged because the crime rate is so low, I get my prescriptions free of charge (as well as all my healthcare) and I can wander round in the baggiest pants in the world without having to worry about being fined for wearing them.

It might seem like a trivial thing, but wearing whatever you want (as long as you're wearing something) is a fundamental element of freedom of expression and, over here in Wales, I have that right.

It could be very different though; imagine if you lived in a place that fined people for showing a bit of underwear.

A scary thought isn't it, if I lived in a country that took away my freedom in such a fashion I'd probably start a rebellion by dressing up as an English gent and tipping a load of Budweiser into the Thames.

Louisiana's Terrebonne Parish passed an ordinance this week to ban saggy pants in public. Their council voted 8-1 to pass the proposition despite divergent opinions in the community.

Offenders will be fined $50 for the first offense, $100 for the second offense and $100 plus 16 hours of mandatory community service for the third offense. A judge will determine the punishment for any further violations.

WWLTV reports that the local NAACP chapter wholeheartedly agreed with the ban. Jerome Boykin, the group's president, declared, “There is nothing positive about people wearing saggy pants. This is not a black issue, this is not a white issue, this is a people issue... Young men who were in prison who wanted to have sex with other men would send a signal to another man with his pants below his waist.”

Community resident Ida Moore disagreed at the council meeting: “It’s certainly not the first time elders complained about the social mores and dress habits of young people. But to make laws of governing social differences is a slippery slope to the level of government that we do not allow.”

These old bastards need to get a life! If they think that's the way prisoners show they're available for sex then they might want to have a chat with one sometime, because they'll find that convicts aren't quite as coy as they make them out to be. If a prisoner wants sex with someone they'll probably just say so, the fact that their pants are hanging low is down to poor quality tailoring.

There's something we're all wondering here and the question has to be asked: does this new law cover workmen as well? Because they have more crack on display than Lindsay Lohan and her dealer friend (allegedly). Surely if they're bending over showing some Dagenham Cleavage they should be fined twice as much as someone who only has underwear on display. Think about it, if a fat workman showing his hairy, sweaty arse crack to the world doesn't say "declining morals" then I don't know what does.


Source: The Huff Post


Back in the saddle againthe-ladykillers-stage-show-uk-2013

Well I did say there was a strong possibility that the lack of internet/a decent phone signal down in South Wales would stop me from updating this website and, as sure as Cardiffians are friendly, it didn't work.

I tried hard, oh how I tried to get it to work, but sadly my attempts were thwarted by a phone signal so poor it often failed in CARDIFF CITY CENTRE!

Still, the lack of internet access gave me a chance to experience South Wales in the old fashioned way: by actually looking at and admiring my surroundings.

Yep, not once did I plant my face in a smartphone/tablet/Kindle, I just walked around the region, taking pictures, eating lovely food, meeting amazing people and watching The Ladykillers stage show in the New Theatre (cast picture above). It was a great week, I even took the time to produce some thumbnails so you lovely people can share in my holiday exploits without actually having to sit through a tedious slide show.

Here's what you're looking at: top row (left to right) the statue of Aneurin Bevan; founder of the NHS and Welsh icon (who is covered in bird shit in this picture unfortunately), a side view of Cardiff Castle, a shot of the Cardiff Council Chambers, a picture of the Cardiff Council Chambers' clock and the art work outside of Cardiff Central Library. Second row (left to right) the Llandaff War Memorial and two pictures from LLandaff Cathedral which is ancient and beautiful.

Hope you enjoy the pictures and fear not the updates will get back to normal this week.













A longer break than normalcardiff-girls-drunk-ugly-weird-fancy-dress-night-out-pissed

This is going to get a bit complicated so stay with me! As of this Sunday (7th of April 2013) I'll be going on a 5 day break down to Cardiff; land of my fathers, capital of my nation and centre of fancy dress drunkenness like the type you can see in the picture on the right.

The reason this is complicated is because my mother doesn't have an internet connection down there, which means I'll either not be able to update the site until the following Sunday (14th) or I'll have to use my somewhat unreliable iPhone as a hot spot and update the website that way.

What I'm basically saying is check this site on the morning of Wednesday the 10th, if I haven't updated the site by then it won't be updated until the Sunday.

If I have updated it get ready for lots of pictures of Cardiff, stories about Cardiff or - if I'm feeling tired after wandering round the beautiful city all day - no pictures or stories about Cardiff, just a puff piece about a bored hermit who chased some kittens through a chocolate factory or something equally weird. So, just to tide you over here's a YouTube video of someone playing the most convincing and terrifying fast food drive through prank you will ever see.




The best trailer of the year so far is here!this-is-the-end-poster-james-franco-seth-rogan

The End Is Here red band trailer is...umm...here, and you're probably thinking that you know what you're going to get from a film starring James Franco, Seth Rogan, Michael Cera, Jonah Hill, Jay Baruchel, Danny McBride, Paul Rudd, Jason Segel and Craig Robinson (phew): Sex talk, drug references and clever yo mama jokes.

To a certain extent you are right, but this (star studded) film is a little bit different. For a start they're all using their real names, which is quite an unusual thing in comedies these days.

On top of the that they've also tackled the delicate and controversial issue of how A-list film stars would cope with a devastating series of disasters.

Plus you get the added bonus of Rihanna saying, "Don't fucking touch my bumper bitch!" and Emma Watson swearing and battering people with the butt of an axe. What more could you ask for you picky sods?!



Lady you need helpbender-futurama-funeral-funny-parody-louder-and-sadder

Umm...I erm...I don't know what to say about this.

Some people are said to be so poor at punctuality that they’d be late for their own funeral – but not Chinese student Zeng Jia, who staged her own service because she wanted to be alive so she could ‘enjoy it’.

The 22-year-old forked out a princely sum for the coffin alone, decorating it with row after row of flowers.

She also paid for a photographer and a team of make-up artists to make her appear more ‘dead’ as she lay in the casket with her favourite doll on her chest.

After an hour lying in state as mourners eulogised about her, surrounded by origami doves hung from the ceiling, Zeng, from Wuhan in Hubei province, arose to join the mourners at her wake.

‘It struck me that people spend all that time and effort on someone when they are gone and they cannot appreciate it,’ she said.

‘I wanted to see what people would think of me so I decided to hold my funeral while I could enjoy it.

‘Experiencing death has made me appreciate life more keenly.

‘I feel so good living after coming out of the coffin.’

Zeng apparently came up with the idea after attending her grandfather’s funeral recently and invited friends and family to witness her own.

"Funerals are really strange because the dead people can't enjoy them." Hmmm, "I just wanted to see what it would be like as an experience!", sure you did, "It's given me an entirely new perspective on life!" Whatever you say. All of those things she's mentioned have something to do with this macabre scene for sure, but her ego has much more to do with it.

An argument could be made that this funeral has been held to satisfy her desires for attention and control. That she managed to talk her friends and family into taking part in this says a lot about the level of control she has over these people. Surely one of them would or at least should have pointed out how fucked up this is?

Still, if you're rich and crazy enough to have your own funeral some 60 years early who am I to judge you?! Also, while we're on the subject I'll be starting up a business for un-dead funerals catering to the rich and crazy alike...also maybe their pets.


Source: Metro


War of the April Foolsbing-april-fools-prank-joke-google-design-day-2013

Happy Easter Monday/April Fools day! My April Fools prank was not updating the website till very late and not adding a March archive yet. What a silly little trickster I am hey?!

Thankfully others have picked up the slack. There were jokes about people coming back from the grave, major websites shutting for good and newspapers claiming they could provide reality augmenting glasses.

While all of those were good they weren't all that believable, it was therefore left to those funny folks at multinational companies with slightly questionable ethics to come up with the big laughs of the day.

First of all Bing decided to tear Google a new one by copying their design. I'm sure this was only in the name of humour and in no way a desperate attempt to get people to use their crappy search engine instead of Google's corrupt, bandwidth thieving monstrosity.

Not to be outdone the goat sacrificing Satan worshippers people at Google came up with one of the funniest April Fools pranks I've ever seen. I laughed quite a lot, until I realised that Google has been blocking other versions of the video that YouTube users have uploaded independently. What a merry bunch they are.




Because there's more to life than hyperbole, picking sides and voting for a bunch of right wing nut jobs because you like the idea of history repeating itself.
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