What's this site all about then?

To baldly gospacecraft-spaceship-space-ship-craft-ufo-aliens-alien-comedy-parody

Do I need to do one more 'old person in space joke?' ok, one more. "Captain, Sanatogen off the Starboard bow!"

A team led by millionaire and former space tourist Dennis Tito plans to send a "tested couple" to Mars and back in a privately funded mission.

The Inspiration Mars Foundation plans to start its one-and-a-half-year mission in January 2018.

The foundation has carried out a study which it says shows that it is feasible to achieve such a mission using existing technology.

The group still has to raise funding for their mission.

The plan was to choose a middle-aged couple because their health and fertility would be less affected by the radiation they would be exposed to during such a long space mission.

The couple would receive extensive training and would be able to draw on psychological support from mission control throughout the mission.

I know I've presented you with/taken the piss out of Mars colony stories before, but they just keep on coming and improving in levels of stupidity with each passing day. We really are living in the golden age of bullshit Mars colony stories. This one is a real treat, think about it; what we have here is a collective of personality disorders that haven't raised any money yet, but are still dead set on blasting Terry and June into space for 2 years.

Worse still, this foundation seems to view middle aged people as expendable objects that can help further human civilisation. It's one thing to send dogs and chimps up into space with a strong likelihood that they may not return, but it's an entirely different thing to do that with people who you consider to have outlived their usefulness because they can't squidge out a baby anymore.

If they change their minds I'd be more than happy to take part in this experiment, all they have to do is replace the second person with a load of comics and junk food and the experiment should be a success. Wait...does that defeat the purpose of this? Ah fuck it. Bring on the space takeaways!



Inconsiderate Travellers #28: The Sociopath EditionInconsiderate-Travellers-February-guy-on-train-blocking-seat-bag

Oh it's a bad one. A really, really bad one this time. This guy. This fucking guy. He's up there with the worst of the worst ever featured on Inconsiderate Travellers, mainly because he's committed a triple threat of other offences that riled me up so badly I genuinely felt like I was going to go insane.

First of all we have the obvious, the reason he's been bestowed with the identity protecting Floating Head Of Henry Kissingercopyright-symbol ; he's sitting in the aisle seat and blocking the window seat with his pathetic, could easily fit in the overhead compartment, luggage.

That's the standard offence that leads to people appearing here, but this guy was even more inconsiderate than the usual rabble. His first additional moment of selfishness was eating a delicious smelling cheese burger and fries combo in front of your poor starving writer.

Could he not tell that I was hungry and ill from the coughs/dribble coming from my mouth? Ever think of offering a poor stranger your burger before chowing down fattie? Clearly not. What a selfish arsehole.

His second transgression was talking loudly on his phone. When I say loudly I mean "Dom Joly in Trigger Happy TV" loud. It would have been ok if it had been one conversation, but this guy must have a pathological fear of silence because he made eight different phone calls. EIGHT!

That's enough to get you on the all time highlight reel of Inconsiderate Travellers but this scoundrel wanted more. Like an insatiable sociopath he just needed to fuck around more. So, he decided to end on his coup de gras: he physically leant over to look at what the person sitting opposite him was watching on their phone.

Who does that? That is the kind of thing that would cause anyone with slight anger management issues to go all Charles Bronson on his arse. The guy who's viewing time he had suddenly interrupted shot him a look that said "I fear for myself because you have crossed a line of acceptable social behaviour", slowly moved away from El Leanio and arched his hand in such a way that the mouth breather couldn't see his phone.

With an unmistakable look of dejection on his face the burger munching, loud talking leaner calmed himself by making a couple more phone calls and going to sleep on the desk. Fortunately he got off at Wrexham (which, as a town, has suffered enough without having to put up with this guy) and left me to play Settlers in peace. I was shocked yes, was it a moment that will haunt me forever? Probably yes. This guy is my Freddie Krueger.



Hollywood's least desirable?Kristen-Stewart-hot-sexy-legs-fashion-clothes-photo-shoot

Look everyone, it's Kristen Stewart. She's in full on sexy mode. Phwoar! Misery, knitwear and pale legs, nothing says sexy like that combination right? Yeah, I know, it's pointless. I tried my best but very little about this is sexy, and this is Stewart trying her hardest to look hot.

Of course looks have nothing to do with being a good actress, but this emo brat is no Meryl Streep either. Besides the lack of acting talent and the "cute in the right light" looks she's somehow become one of the highest paid thespians (stop giggling) on the planet.

The undeserved pay cheques combined with her general attitude hasn't won her many fans beyond the Twihards either, which might have something to do with her appearance on this slightly bitchy list.

Men’s online gadget retailer MenKind has just come out with a top ten list of the least sexy women in Hollywood, with Kristen Stewart taking the much-coveted number one spot.

Yes, that’s right, Kristen Stewart from Twilight - the actress who is really rather sexy.

But according to a spokesman for MenKind, their poll of British men shows that: “Sexiness is far more than appearance.”

So Stewart may have been marked down for cheating on long term-partner Robert Pattinson with married director Rupert Sanders last year.

Well, she's sexy in a kind of normal girl posing for pictures way, but not in a Hollywood A-lister sort of way. Decades of conditioning and sexualised film techniques have produced a culture where looks and fame are intrinsically linked; anyone below the perceived standard is judged harshly. They're judged even more harshly if they behave like a brat and shag married directors.

The rest of the list isn't that surprising, here's the list with my personal view of the person in brackets:

1. Kristen Stewart (meh)

2. Sarah Jessica Parker (Equus)

3. Lindsay Lohan (has destroyed her looks, potential and reputation with years of drug and alcohol abuse. Also crabs? Maybe)

4. Denise Richards (yeah she looks good but, you know, Heidi Fleiss)

5. Kirsten Dunst (parents, never call your children Kristen or Kirsten, apparently it's associated with two of Hollywood's least desirable women)

6. Mischa Barton (looks ok but has/had a bad drug problem)

7. Hilary Swank (very useful at breakfast time)

8. Lucy Liu (What?! She's hot! This list is beginning to seem flawed!)

9. Tilda Swinton (looks like a dude, has an odd view on what marriage is)

10. Uma Thurman (looks like something cooked up on The Island of Doctor Moreau)

Oh, and one last thing: the 10 least desirable women in Hollywood are a million times better looking than the 10 least desirable men in Hollywood...well except SJP.


Source: MSN


Don't file a missing person reportout-of-office-keyboard-message

Don't worry if you don't hear from me on Friday (tomorrow, the 21st) or Monday (the 25th), it's because I'm on the rolling chamber of misery otherwise known as a train.

The short break I take at the end of every month is going to happen over a weekend this time so you will all miss less updates as I wouldn't normally write anything on a weekend anyway. That's time I usually reserve for disposing of dead bodies crocheting and making lovely centre pieces.

So please have a lovely fun weekend, enjoy the weather (be it bad or good) and spare a thought for your poor writer who has to endure more journeys on public transport.

I have considered driving down to London before, but I'm pretty certain the sight of my 1964 Ford Mustang would just make those poor, impoverished Londoners jealous.

It's not fair for me to rub their noses in my modern, sophisticated Welsh ways. They've suffered enough, what with having to live in a crowded, smelly city and all.



What happened to doing your research?cheryl-cole-hot-sexy-boob-side-boob-boobs-tits-sexy-hot

Look at Cheryl. Isn't she great? She's talented, generous, down to earth, amazingly hot and capable of beating people up in toilets, she's the total package! After years in the public eye (and having learned lots of lessons the hard way) you'd think any story that broke about her doing something that she denied would be instantly dismissed as a load of old bollocks.

It makes common sense doesn't it; a woman who has spent most of her adult life owning up to her failings (and dealing with a cheating spouse) all the while enjoying about as much privacy as a boxer at a weigh should be given the benefit of the doubt when she says something isn't true. Apparently Now Magazine believed that wasn't the case here, and the idiots have paid a high price for it as a result.

Now magazine has printed a front page apology to Cheryl Cole after it ran a false story about a relationship between the singer and MC Harvey.

The publication has admitted Cole did not exchange emails with the rapper but said he had been sending messages to a "calculated" hoaxer posing as Cole.

The Girls Aloud star has been awarded damages and legal costs. The front cover of the latest issue reads: "Sorry Cheryl, there was no romance with Harvey - we got it wrong."

Legal proceedings began in February 2012 but were resolved last week. Cole famously took to Twitter to deny the story of a romance with the former So Solid Crew member after the end of her marriage to footballer Ashley Cole.

When it was first published last year, she wrote: "Was this 'relationship' happening in your head @harveyofficial?"

An apology inside the magazine said the February 2012 article, which claimed she and the musician - whose real name is Michael Harvey Jr - had a secret relationship, followed hundreds of emails over a six-month period between what was thought to be MC Harvey, Cole and her mother.

If this version of what happened is true and not some sort of elaborate cover up, shouldn't red flags have been raised when none of the "hundreds of emails" referred to a meeting, a romantic trist or even a bloody lunch? Surely if someone is having a fling with someone else then after they exchange a few emails they would meet up, swap phone numbers and go from there. Why would they spend so much time emailing each other back and forth without even asking for each others digits at some point? These are all questions Now Magazine should have been asking before they published this story.

Either Now bought this entire scenario as genuine, in which case they are staffed by a bunch of morons, or they knew it was fake, didn't care and published the story anyway because they knew it would sell a lot of copies, which makes them scumbags. The more surprising element of this turn of events is the fact that MC Harvey was so easily strung along by a phoney Cheryl Cole for months.

This guy must be so desperate for human contact after cheating on Alesha Dixon with Javine Hylton that he'll resort to flirting with what could be a fat trucker with a laptop. Maybe instead of criticising him I should be going around to his place, dragging him out of bed with whatever skank he's bedding tonight and give him that speech from Goodwill Hunting, "Harvey, it's not your fault...look at me son, it's not your fault".


Source: BBC


RIP Richard Briersrichard-briers-old-happy-smiling-picture-tribute

Here it comes again; that strange sense of sadness I get when someone who has managed to weave themselves into the fabric of my life through the medium of television dies.

Over the next couple of days you'll probably see various tributes to Richard Briers as an actor and a human being, but none of them can come close to expressing what this person meant to you or me on a personal level.

They'll talk about The Good Life, a comedy in which he showed the world what the role of the lead male in a sitcom is (to drive the humour along by being stubborn and stupid at the same time, thereby helping the wife become the hero and anchor of the series), as well as his appearances in Ever Decreasing Circles, Marriage Lines and for his various George Bernard Shaw and Shakespeare performances, both on stage and screen, but that isn't what I'll remember him for.

What I will remember, without even having to think about it too hard, is his incredibly distinctive voice. It's the kind of voice that brings back very clear images of my childhood. For some reason the voice I heard on Roobarb & Custard and Watership Down is intrinsically tied to fun summers, day trips, playing with my friends, it's all part of the same tapestry.

So, as a special little treat for me (and most of you I suspect) here's an episode of Roobard and Custard and Watership in it's entirety.




The dreaded Stephenie Meyer is back

Sorry there was no update yesterday folks, but I had to go to Bangor and spent the rest of the day sorting out YouTube related technical annoyances.

So, after sorting that lot out and getting about as much sleep as an insomniac who's OD'd on Haribo, I woke (woken? Awakened? Woke!) up to see that the walking female embodiment of misogyny herself, Stephenie Meyer, is back with another film.

Probably feeling that she had done all she could in the field of sexy vampires and dumb, lip biting girls, Stephenie has turned her attention to the world of alien invasion films.

From what I can tell by watching this trailer (which either looks stupid or intriguing depending on what you want from your sci-fi films) the narrative of The Host is, sadly, nothing like the awesome Korean film of the same name. It actually looks like a strange mix of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Terminator Salvation and...umm...The Delinquents?

As far as the visual style of the film is concerned it looks similar to the other soon to be released, weird sounding but pretty looking sci-fi film Upside Down. Both films continue the new fixation of Western cinema with blending the style of the Cinéma Du Look movement (championed by Luc Besson in the 1980's) and the very meticulously imagined world of Blade Runner.

Am I reading too much into this film? Probably yes. It's not like it's set out to change the world; it's a popcorn film and, like almost all of the Cinema Du Look films, it's about style over substance with this one.

In other words, "Wow! look at the pretty people sharing their feelings while fending off incredible odds to save their love and change the world! That girl's amazing, she's one of a kind! I bet I could be like her and get that pretty boy to love me. WHY WON'T HE LOVE ME?!! PUT A F*&KING BABY IN ME NOW!!!"

That's what all Stephenie Meyer's work is about aren't they? Basically yes. Anyway, enjoy the trailer!


Justin Bieber is the toughest man on the planetJustin-Bieber-Tweet-Twitter-Black-Keys-feud-slap-fight-Grammy-money

I use the term man very loosely here, as no male over the age of 18 should be as skinny and effeminate as Bieber is. Looks can be deceptive though, just check out that menacing tweet on the right there; that's clearly someone who shouldn't be messed with.

Further evidence of Justin Bieber's skill as a pugilist is his MMA record of 0 wins with 0 draws and 0 losses. 0 of his wins have come by way of knock out. You know what that makes him right? Yep, undefeated baby. Go B-Dawg.

Knowing what we now know about tough guy Bieber, it's really funny to look back on people who have slagged him off and realise just how close these poor individuals came to a good old fashioned beat down. Step forward this successful and talented musician who had the gall to say that Justin was only about the money and not about the craft. Come at me bro!

After sweeping major categories at the Grammy Awards on Sunday, The Black Keys stepped out to celebrate.

Drummer Patrick Carney was asked by TMZ about the fact that Bieber was snubbed by the Recording Academy this year.

“He’s rich, right?” Carney said when asked if Bieber should feel burned. “Grammys are for, like, music, not for money … and he’s making a lot of money. He should be happy, I guess.”

Oh no he didn't! That's it, this guy is in real trouble now. He'd better hope he doesn't run into Bieber and his band of teenage hard cases anytime soon or it might very well be on. He called down the thunder well now he's got it...What am I talking about? Bob Hope's corpse attached to strings and operated by a slow-witted puppeteer could kick this guy's ass.


Source: NY Daily News

iCan't take much more of this!iWatch-fake-parody-joke-design-humour-apple

Have you listened to your iPod today? Or used your iPhone to text someone? Or watched a film on your iPad? Or had a prostate exam from your beautifully designed but very impersonal iDoctor?

Of course you have because, like me, you're a slave to advertising and incredibly functional design. There's nothing wrong with admitting you own some of these items, many of Apple's products have become as simple and pleasing to use as Nokia phones used to be before they went all shit.

Yes Apple are a huge corporation with questionable business practices and wah wah wah but, at the end of the day, they didn't rise from the ashes to become one of the biggest companies on the planet without doing certain things really well. One of those things is appearing A La Mode.

I have resisted buying an iPad or an Apple Laptop because the iPad just doesn't aid my lifestyle in any way and the laptops are massively overpriced for what they do. That isn't to say I haven't caved in the past.

I promised myself I'd never get an iPod, then I tried one and realised how blinkered I'd been to swear off them all this time. I again took a stand when the iPhone came out, foolishly/hypocritically believing that having one Apple product was ok but having two was crossing some imaginary line. Then I bought a Blackberry, what a mistake that was.

As soon as my Blackberry contract ended I bought an iPhone 4 and can now poudly say with a straight face that it's the best phone I've ever had. Yes there have been stumbling blocks along the way (like the shitty battery life and iOS5 phone bricking incident) but the good stuff has far outweighed the bad.

There really aren't too many Apple products that I don't either already own or have dismissed as unnecessary. However, this new one might be a doozy.

According to reports in both the New York Times and The Wall Street Journal, Tim Cook's company is testing a curved glass 'iWatch' in its labs.

While there's no details about what the watch really is - and how are (surely you mean 'far' Huff Post slave?) along in development it might be - it's an intriguing morsel.

That said, Apple is known to test many more products than it ever releases, and any such wearable product could still be years away from release.

The Times report said that the watch would run iOS, and stand apart "based on the company's understanding of how such glass can curve around the human body".

Ideas mentioned by the Times include fitting the watch with Siri, Apple Maps and mobile payments.

Hmm...I think I'll pass on this one thanks Timothy. The maps and iOSness sound nice but I don't want that mouthy bitch Siri on my wrist. It's bad enough that she never responds to me properly when I ask her pointless questions but if I had to hear, "Your athlete's foot medicine has arrived" or "Don't forget to buy more anti-dandruff shampoo" when I was surrounded by friends, I'd probably end up smashing my £200 watch into a thousand pieces.


Source: The Huffington Post


Broken Pencils Episode 2Broken Pencils Logo

Well after a long wait due to various trips, excursions and umm...jaunts, episode 2 of my Audio Wrestling Sitcom Podcast Radio Play Thingy (that's the technical term) Broken Pencils is here for your enjoyment.

It's a wonderful process making these podcasts. The fact that I can write it, record it and edit it all within 2 days makes the process far more enjoyable.

If I had to spend weeks listening to my own voice while editing I think I'd go slowly insane and end up talking in character for the rest of my days. Come to think of it I'm half way there already.

So if you like it, like it (on YouTube), spread the word and, on a separate note, you might want to subscribe to my RSS feed at the top there. It'll save you the hassle of having to open your favourites bar and click on my page once a day, those are clicks which you could be using to donate to charity or look at cute videos of kittens and such.

Written, Edited & Created by Lev Myskin

Dave...Lev Myskin @WhyAllTheAnger, Brian...Colm Ahern @Colm_Ahern, Allison...Alice Radley @AliceRadley, Intern Joe...G Hall @Goftheinternet, John Laurinitis...Bad News Ramen @BadNewsRamen

Music...Peter John Ross of Sonnyboo.com



Somebody stop this now!

Ladies, do you have any idea how desperate men are to give you pleasure? If you messaged any of your male friends and asked them to get their kit off for you and your friends chances are they'd be too busy taking their pants off and running down the street to reply.

Hell, you've got a 50/50 shot with complete strangers in the street, that's how stupid we are. Men are puppets willing to bend to your every desire just for a chance at getting close to your mimsy.

That's why I just can't fathom why women are willing to pay huge sums of money to watch an oiled up egomaniac take his clothes off.

The greedy sod usually then has the nerve to quickly bugger off so that he can go and do it all over again down the road for another bunch of screaming ladies.

Maybe it's that ridiculous thing we enjoy far too much in this country: titillation. There's some sort of twisted obsession with communal perviness that affects women in just the same way as men.

The only difference is male strippers have been the subject of two very successful and positive films (The Full Monty and Magic Mike) whereas female strippers are only ever shown as degrading themselves by resorting to such lengths to support their drug habits or something. Just about every stripper story has been told at this point...except this one.

male stripper from the Cathays area of Cardiff was arrested for attacking angry women who booed him, after he replaced the original dancer at the last minute.

It was Ladies Night at the Baltic Inn and 150 women had packed into the pub to see Fabio the male stripper in all his glory.

But muscular Fabio had to cancel at the last minute and was replaced by novice Leon Zbudowskyj.

Unfortunately Zbudowskyj fell far short of the audience's expectations. He was scruffy, thin, had no six-pack and looked as though "he had been hit in the face with a wok".

What's more, he had no act to speak of either, and very soon the crowd was hurling abuse and screwed up napkins in his direction.

Just when it seemed that the 10 pounds-a-head evening could get no worse the stripper, provoked by the abuse, apparently plunged into the crowd and started attacking the women.

Now this guy's a charmer! The organisation who sent him there in the first place have already put the word out that he's basically an ugly prick who can't do his job properly and beats up women, so his stripping days are over. Well in front of women anyway. His days of stripping in front of police officers to make sure he hasn't got any drugs hidden up his bum bum are just beginning.

Source: Yahoo


Maybe buy a Skoda next time

Phwoar! Look at that penis extension McLaren F1 supercar. It's amazing! All orange and slick and sporty looking. Ok so I know nothing about cars other than foot down = go/stop/make a funny scratching noise while changing gears, but I know expensive stuff when I see it and this bad boy is expensive!

According the Wikipedia The road version used a compression ratio of 11:1 to produce 618 hp (461 kW; 627 PS)[at 7400 rpm and torque output of 480 lb·ft (651 N·m) at 5600 rpm. The engine has a redline rev limiter set at 7500 rpm, whatever that means.

So far so impressive, but the thing that really counts to me (and everyone who's ever appeared on The Antiques Roadshow) is the price. £2 million. Yep, 2 million bloody pounds sterling.

Car lovers would probably love to have that kind of money to blow on something like this, but to me that's enough money to buy a significant portfolio or rental properties.

If I ever did spend £2 million on a car I'd drive it like Morgan Freeman in Driving Miss Daisy, anyone with one of these cars would be stupid to drive it at any real speed, the consequences could be catastrophic.

Rowan Atkinson’s crashed McLaren F1 cost his insurers a massive £910,000 in repair bills, according to a report in the Daily Telegraph. This is following the famous actor and comedian’s 2011 accident in the iconic machine.

After Atkinson’s unplanned off-road excursion, the vehicle was sent back to McLaren headquarters in Woking for an assessment of the extent of the damage.

Technicians took four weeks to fully evaluate the cost of the repair, eventually providing Atkinson’s insurer with a near-£1 million bill for the job.

The company then had to make a decision whether it would be cheaper to return the vehicle to its former condition or write it off. And with a bill of £910,000 to foot we can’t definitively state what the F1 is valued at today – but we can try.

No wonder it cost £900,000 to repair that thing if the mechanics spent 4 weeks "assessing" it. That's 3 weeks too long. That's 3 weeks of them sitting on their arses and thinking of innovative places to put their mugs after they've finished their coffee. He might as well have had it crushed, transformed into art work and signed it. At least that way he could have made some money back off it and then just bought a new one.

I'm not sure what his insurance company will do to recoup the money, he might have to buy his coverage from a place in the Cayman Islands from now on. In totally unrelated news there will soon be new series' of Mr. Bean, Blackadder, Not The Nine O'Clock News, The Thin Blue Line and another 3 Johnny English films.

Source: MSN



Monopoly, the game where you gather people you love and hold dear around a table and humiliate them by taking all of their fictional money. It's such a great family activity.

The game itself has remained true to its origins for generations. Sure there's been more than one annoying "Special Edition" released to appeal to people who don't know where Pall Mall is, but the pieces have stayed more or less the same since the 1950's.

Sadly the people at Hasbro believe Facebook folk are the ideal group to choose the next token for their legendary board game.

Apparently they don't realise that Facebook people are simply people and, as we all know, people are fucking idiots and shouldn't be trusted with any decision.

I mean I decided that it would be a good idea to start this website and look how that turned out. Nowadays the only time I see the sun is when it reflects off my monitor.

Fans of Monopoly have voted to replace the iron with a cat-shaped playing piece in the popular board game.

Following a month-long online poll, toy maker Hasbro said the feline design had beaten competition from a robot, helicopter, diamond ring and a guitar.

"I think there were a lot of cat lovers in the world that reached out," said Hasbro's Jonathan Berkowitz. It is the first time fans have had a say on which of the eight tokens to keep and which to lose.

"Tokens are always a key part of the Monopoly game... and our fans are very passionate about their tokens, about which token they use while they play," Mr Berkowitz added.

The Scottie dog was the clear favourite with fans from more than 120 countries who took part in the contest to decide which token should be saved, eventually securing 29% of the vote.

While the shoe, wheelbarrow and iron were neck and neck in the final hours of voting, the iron ended up with just 8% of the vote and will now be retired from the game.

Of course the iron came last, who wants to be reminded of doing ironing while you're playing a game where the main aim is to accrue a small fortune? Think about it; how many people can you name that got rich by using ironing equipment? I mean apart from Henry W. Seeley who invented the iron...and the Johnson Brothers...and John B. Porter who invented the ironing board. Ok, so maybe lots of people have made money from ironing, but I bet all of them had massive cocaine habits to counteract the boredom they felt from running their ironing empires.

A cat is probably the right choice for a cutthroat game like Monopoly. If you mess up and lose all your businesses and money, the snidey little buggers will invariably leave you and go and live with the neighbour down the road. You know the one, her house always smells of tuna.

Source: BBC


The boy racers are going to wet themselves

The 6th installment in the never ending Fast and Furious series debuted a special new trailer at the Superb Owl the other day and, even though it goes against every critical thought in my head I have to admit, it looks bloody exciting.

Following the tradition established in the previous films the sort of villain of the last one, The Rock (Dwaynian Johnenstonius), is now part of the street wise, illegal racing, cliche spewing crew.

While I want to hate this film with every fibre of my being the adrenalin junky in me (who is easily manipulated by well edited trailers) really wants to see it, especially if I get to see The Rock and Vin Diesel do a Doomsday Device on someone in 3D!

I'm actually quite surprised this slipped by me during the Super Bowl coverage, I should have spotted the trailer much sooner than I did. Then again, I was somewhat distracted by Beyonce allowing the world to eye hump her into submission. That was quite a show. As was the bit where they paraded the skeleton of Michelle Williams around. That girl could do with a good solid meal, she's skin and bone.


Oh the weather outside is CCCOOOOLLLLDDDDD!!!

If you're a regular visitor to this site you will have learned certain things about me from reading my insane ramblings and deranged musings.

For a start you'll know I have an addiction to Vimto that borders on the scary end of morbid.

You'll also know that if I had a choice between eating a balanced and varied diet and nothing but Chinese food for the rest of my life I'd choose the latter.

A slightly less well known fact about me is that I really, really enjoy going on colossal 10-20 mile walks. I do these whenever I can, but I prefer walking in the kind of conditions that most people avoid driving in.

That doesn't necessarily mean searing desert like conditions; I hate the heat in all it's forms. But the cold, I fucking love cold weather.

It could be because, being a Celt, I don't feel the cold at all or it could be because of the pleasure I take in walking through empty winter wildernesses like I could do online if Skyrim would bloody work. Either way Snow, cold and deserted towns/walks are my idea of walking heaven. Which is why February might be my favourite month of 2013 if the weather peeps are to be believed.

We should be braced for a freezing February, as experts warn that Arctic chills will cover the country in more snow.

After violent storms claimed 19 lives last month, and cost the economy an estimated £4billion in lost working hours, travel chaos and rising energy bills, forecasters fear the cold snap will continue to bite.

The Met Office today issued warnings that 20cm (8in) of snow will fall as 85mph winds are expected to batter Scotland.

It also forecast overnight snow flurries in the north, south-west and the Midlands and it expects this month to be the coldest February since 1986, when the average temperature was -1.2C.

Forecaster Charlie Powell said the mercury would struggle to rise above 1C across much of Britain tomorrow.

‘This week will be colder than last week – it will be bitterly cold in midweek and wet, windy and distinctly wintry,’ he said.

YAY! Economic problems, travel chaos, huge energy bills and a ridiculously high number of deaths isn't going to stop me from reenacting an adventure game in my town. If anyone bumps into me on a walk and I look cold don't worry too much, if you approach me you might only here me say, "Have you heard about Helgen? A dragon destroyed the town and saved Ulfric Stormcloak from execution! Can you point me in the direction of the nearest Yarl?"

Also don't let the wintery conditions fool you. If you see a large, bearded man with long flowing hair and piercing blue eyes appear from out of the snow, don't think that Thor has come down to earth to save us all from an alien invasion, he hasn't, it's just handsome old me braving the conditions like the modest hero I am.

Source: Metro


Shock, Horror!

So, remember when I said I had a strong dislike for beyonce because she was a bit of a bitch and had been shoved down our throats for 15 years even though she was a painfully average performer on every level? Well this time I'm sticking up for her.

Surprised? You should be, I have better things to do with my time than stick up for people/things I don't like. For instance, I should be unpacking right now, or maybe cleaning my bathroom or possibly even batch cooking, but nope, I'm on something of a mission.

I've decided to defend someone who, for years, has made me avoid anything to do with her because she has embodied everything I've come to hate about certain elements of popular culture.

So here it goes, my defence of Beyonce: get over it.

The woman mimed. So what? She did a damn good job of miming in my view. The very fact that people debated it to begin with means this is mission accomplished on the 'fooling people with her performance' front, that's a skill very few artists master, and, love it or hate it, miming is necessary to enjoying a long career.

Imagine if she'd fucked up big time and had one of those "Ashley Simpson on SNL" moments, her career would be all but dead and buried now. In many ways this is her fault, if she hadn't placed herself front and centre at such a huge event and created an image for herself as a perfect all round performer no one would care.

It appears that the Beyonce bashers (a group I belong to most of the time) are going to use this against her for a while, but in the grand scheme of things it's little more than something that will occasionally show up on those pointless embarrassing moments countdown shows. And now, for everyone's pleasure, Ashley Simpson killing her career!


Because there's more to life than hyperbole, picking sides and going mad because you didn't run as fast as the other athletes who are 10 years younger than you.
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